Are You Forcing Your Relationship? Here are the Signs

You know the stereotype: women always push for commitment while men try to sow their wild oats for as long as possible. Sure, this is sometimes the case, but guess what: not all women are looking for that huge commitment. Lots of us enjoy freedom, going out and having a nice time without being “attached” via ball and chain. Unfortunately, it seems like relationships are often one-sided, with one partner wanting more. Sometimes, that person is us, and when it happens, we should probably get out before it’s too late

  1. The romance is well and truly dead. When friends ask about him, the best thing you can say about him is “he’s nice”. There’s nothing wrong with nice guys – in fact, as you get older, the nice guys start becoming much more appealing. The problem occurs when this becomes the defining feature that’s keeping you with him. He’s head-over-heels in love with you and tells you daily that you’re the one for him… and all you can say is “he’s nice”. If this sounds familiar, it’s time to purge this relationship and look forward to someone who can inspire a monologue rather than just dual words
  2. You don’t bother to answer his calls anymore. When you’re in the first throes of passion, you get that little thrill when you hear the phone ring. Your heart skips a beat, you lick your lips (even though he can’t see you), and you answer the phone using your best Lauren Bacall smoky voice. This goes on for awhile, and while you may not get that same jolt of excitement after months of dating, you still get a fuzzy feeling whenever he calls you – until you don’t. Maybe it’s the way talks with his mouth full, or how he clears his throat whenever he speaks, but suddenly you find yourself dreading, rather than anticipating, his numerous phone calls.
  3. You’d rather do laundry than do him. You’re supposed to want to spend copious amounts of time together, right? Not wanting to shop for those nasty protein drinks or new pair of boxers doesn’t make you a bad girlfriend, but it does mean he’s probably more serious about you than you are about him. After all, when you’re really ready to commit, that includes wanting to be part of each other’s lives in all aspects, even when it comes to the mundane stuff.
  4. You no longer imagine a future with him. You’re lounging together on the loveseat, laughing about the latest idiotic thing his co-worker did, when he suddenly turns to you and tells you he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Maybe he doesn’t actually have a ring, but he may as well since you can already feel your left hand growing heavier with that golden shackle. Your palms immediately get sweaty, your heart races, and all you can think about is which exit is the closest for you to make your getaway.
  5. You’ve tried (in vain) to make his quirks cute. Neurotic qualities are attractive, endearing and can serve to make you love him even more, crazy quirks and all. This is usually a natural manifestation which arises from wearing those love blinders for too long. But what happens when your goggles aren’t so rosy-tinted? I’ll tell you exactly what happens: those cute little idiosyncrasies rapidly turn into big fat annoyances. If you find yourself glaring at the way he chews his food while he still smiles at your buzz-saw snoring, it’s time to call it quits.
  6. You’re not bringing him home to meet the family. Everyone knows meeting the family is a big step that can make or break a relationship, and whether or not you’ve blended your families is a key indicator of where your relationship stands.  Now, it could be that you’re ashamed of your relatives, or maybe the thought of spending time with them makes you dry heave, but if you know his parents, and he doesn’t knows yours, you need to think about why you’re so hesitant to take that leap when he already has.
  7. He says “I love you”, you say “Thank you!” Maybe neither one of you jumped the gun on using the whole “love” word. You’ve been dating for a few weeks, having a nice time, things seem to be progressing, when he leans into you, brushing stray hair from your forehead, kisses you, and whispers “I love you”… and the only thing you can think of to say back is a polite “thank you”. While it may be better than Han Solo’s “I know”, it’s hardly the response he was looking for. It’s okay if you’re not ready to immediately reciprocate; after all, love is a powerful word, but if you feel more uncomfortable than twitter-pated at his declaration, chances are he’s already much more invested in you than you’ll ever be in him.
Brandy D. Anderson is a professional writer who loves to travel, but her heart is always in Neverland. Anderson is a regular contributor for numerous publications, including several scholarly journals. Although her wonderful son, Padraic, says she is obsessed with Star Wars, Anderson wants to assure the world that she only uses the Force for good - most of the time. Anderson's favourite things in the 'verse are as follows: Sinatra, Shelley, coffee, and Judd Nelson's nose (not necessarily in that order).