It’s the classic move: you confront your boyfriend about something that’s pissed you off or upset you and he turns the tables on you, making it look like you’re the crazy one. Not okay. Be aware of the following moves guys tend to pull when they’re trying to shift the blame and avoid taking responsibility for their actions:
- They try to put their guilt on you. The guilty don’t always run — sometimes they stand there and try to make you feel guilty. It’s lame but sadly effective. If you’re confronting the guy about his inappropriate flirting, for instance, he’ll turn it around and say you’re the one who’s probably cheating on him. This makes you feel you have to defend yourself, but don’t waste your time. He’s just trying to move the guilty spotlight onto you.
- They make you feel like a crappy girlfriend. By the end of the confrontation, you feel like you’ve been treating your guy badly instead of the other way around. Yup, he’s playing the victim here. He might even say that he loves you for the first time or try to remind you how he’s done so much to show you he cares. Whatever. You’re the one who’s right and he’s the crappy boyfriend.
- They confuse the f*ck out of you. Have you ever had a confrontation with a guy during which you felt like you were going crazy? It sucks but it’s not your mind that’s to blame — it’s the guy who’s trying to muddle everything up so that you feel crazy. He might play with words or twist your words, or turn things around. It leaves you spinning. Know the saying, “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with BS”? That’s exactly what he’s doing.
- They try to irritate you to distract from the real issue. When you’re putting a douchebag on the spot, you might see that he starts trying to irritate you by making light of what’s troubling you or mocking you. Don’t think it has anything to do with you — he’s really just trying to distract you from the real issue at hand — or he’s hoping his irritating remarks really will make you lose your mind so that he can say, “Ah! You see how crazy you are?!” which further turns you into the baddie.
- They use your emotions against you. Attacking your emotions when you’re angry or crying is one way someone can make you backtrack. The last thing you want is to be called overly emotional or be told that you’re having a meltdown, so you’ll try to reel in how you feel. Screw that. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty for how you feel, especially when the guy being mean about your emotions is the one who is causing them!
- They go AWOL to avoid facing you. Few things are more frustrating than a text-based argument in which the guy disappears halfway in. You’re left hanging, which makes you feel like losing your mind. And you have every right to. The worst part is that he’ll eventually saunter back and tell you that he couldn’t talk to you when you were acting so crazy. Oh please. The real reason he left is because you were cornering him and he didn’t have a lie handy.
- They threaten to end things. Oh, we have a badass over here. When you’re confronting a douchebag, he’ll make you feel like you’re the one to blame for ending the relationship — yes, he’s going to threaten that the relationship is over to scare you. Now, whatever you are confronting him about — even if you saw flirtatious texts to his ex on his phone – he’s going to up the stakes by hanging your relationship in the balance. He’s probably expecting you to scramble for his forgiveness, or at the very least to second-guess yourself. Hell no. Don’t give the jerk any satisfaction. Show him the door instead.
