Love makes you feel like Wonder Woman, like you can just swoop in and save a man from anything as long as you put our heart and soul into it. But doing this over and over can get frustrating. It’s not easy loving a broken man because most of the time he can’t love you back the way you want to be loved. If you’re tired of giving in to your caretaking instincts when it comes to damaged guys, that’s perfectly understandable.
It’s called a relationship, not adoption.
I know how good it can feel to help someone become a better version of themselves, but it’s not your job to repair a man. The responsibility of raising men, healing their traumas, or bringing them out of the dark does not fall on you. You don’t have to carry the weight of their emotional baggage. You’re supposed to be his girlfriend, not his parent, counselor, therapist, or life coach. You can’t build a healthy relationship when you’re too busy trying to heal your partner.
You can’t save a man who doesn’t want to be saved.
No matter how hard you try, it’s not up to you to change a person. They have to first decide to change and work towards it. If he has closed off his heart to love, you can’t force it open. If he doesn’t know how to be happy on his own, with or without you, you’re can’t manufacture happiness on his behalf. Save your energy for someone more deserving.
Fixing a man doesn’t guarantee that he won’t leave you.
Let’s say you bleed yourself dry trying to heal a guy and it actually pays off. Your love, encouragement, and patience help him move past the issues that were holding him back. He might turn around and dump you for someone for wasn’t there when his broken pieces needed to be glued together. Now you have to go to work on healing yourself after exhausting all your energy on him. Fixing him won’t guarantee his eternal love, so why bother?
You can’t blame yourself for not being able to heal them.
I know you have a big heart and it feels like a personal failure when you realize you can’t love them enough to undo any damage that they’re not ready to sort through. It’s normal to be angry at them and at yourself. But you need to understand that their pain has nothing to do with you, so you can’t wave a wand and make it go away. It’s not always their fault either. They might have good intentions towards you, but they’re too unsettled in themselves to make it work.
It takes two whole people to make a healthy relationship.
A lot of the time, when a broken man falls in love, he’s merely trying to fill the empty space where his brokenness lives. He needs you to distract him from his issues so he doesn’t have to face them head-on. Broken men might be able to give themselves to the relationship for a while, but eventually, the weight of their brokenness would overwhelm then. If you’re not careful, he could end up dragging you down with him.
Caring for the broken is hard work.
Although some broken men are really just a-holes who want to take everything from you without having to give anything back, there are some who have actually had their trust and hearts broken in the worst possible ways. They don’t deserve what broke them and they’d give anything to be whole again. If he’s willing to go to work on himself, be patient with him. Be cautious, gentle, and supportive. Remember everyone has issues, some worse than others, but it doesn’t make them any less deserving of affection.
It’s not selfish to put yourself first.
There is nothing glamorous about a love that breaks your spirit. If someone cannot give you what you need and deserve, it’s okay to walk away from them. Instead of pouring time and effort into healing a guy that won’t appreciate it, prioritize your own feelings. You deserve to be with a man who doesn’t need you to fix him and will put in as much work as you into the relationship.
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