I was one of the first people my best friend called when she got engaged. We laughed, cried together and then immediately started talking about the wedding details. Then before I knew it, reality set in. I was standing next to her as she said her vows and found myself thinking, “Holy crap, my best friend is leaving me. What do I do now?” Here are 8 other thoughts I had when my BFF said “I do”:
- “I’m alone.” To say that we are joined at the hip is an understatement. We talk all day, every day through text message or FaceTime. As Christina Yang said on Grey’s Anatomy, she’s the person I would call if I murdered someone and needed help dragging the body across the room. Now things were going to change and I didn’t want them to. Sure, her new husband was fine with our friendship when they were dating, but would he change once he became her husband?
- “I’m losing my person.” At first, I really didn’t think I was gaining anything. I thought, “Oh great, another person I’m going to have to share her with.” Don’t get me wrong, I liked the guy she was marrying. He was the first guy she dated that didn’t come with a ton of baggage and red flags. But I also knew I was moving down a notch and he was taking my spot. Marriage rearranges the importance of people even when you don’t want it to. I prepared myself to lose my person so he could gain his.
- “I’m so jealous.” Not only was I a little jealous she was getting her happy ending, I was jealous of the new relationship he was getting. They’d dated for a while and knew each other they way two people getting married should, but actually exchanging vows is a whole different story. I knew what kind of wife she would be because that is what kind of friend she is — kind, sweet, selfless, loving. I was jealous I was going to have to share all her qualities with him.
- “Will he accept me?” He had an idea of what kind of relationship we had, and how co-dependent we were with each other — we traveled together, we FaceTimed to approve of each other’s outfits, sent text messages about the shows we watched. It’s almost like we were the same person. Our relationship can seem a little intimidating to other people, so it did cross my mind that he might try to ice me out completely so he could have the same relationship with her.
- “Will she change?” I was scared to death that I was losing my best friend. I may as well have been walking her down the aisle because that’s how I felt that day. I was giving away my best friend to this guy I barely knew and she would never be the same. She was going to get married and start nesting while I was drinking my way into oblivion, dreading all the train wrecks I’ll have to meet off of Tinder dates and try to find “The One” and make them my person.
- “When will I find my happy ending?” Even though I may act like I don’t need that kind of relationship, I really yearn for it. I want to find love too, and not just because I want the gorgeous dress or the perfect wedding, but because I want someone to share my life with. Seeing my best friend get married made all of those feelings rush to the forefront of my mind and I couldn’t escape it. I was now entering the phase of my life where marriage and kids were starting to happen to those around me and I was scared to death I wouldn’t be able to experience the same things.
- “True love really does exist.” I have came to realized that things will never be the same between us. Things are better. She’s given me hope, not only in friendship but in love. Her now-husband didn’t ice me out or tell me to go away. He embraced our friendship, and in turn give me more hope to find love. Guys like him exist. Though the perfect marriage/relationship/friendship do not exist, a little version of happy ever after is totally possible.
