Being a woman is great, but there comes a time in all our lives when being a woman also blows. And when that happens, we sometimes mutter to ourselves that we kind of wish we were a man instead, as gross as that may be. Of course, the situations have to be pretty bad in the first place in order for us to want to abandon our soft, beautiful figures in favor of becoming sweaty and hairy, but you know you find yourself thinking these things.
- When we’re in labor. While some women find the act of giving birth to be a beautiful experience, if you’ve never done it, it looks scary as hell. I mean, have you seen that video? Do you really think you can enjoy popping a melon out of there? Are you even aware that it sometimes tears, or the doctors have to cut it, so that the baby can fit through? That knowledge alone makes me less willing to want kids. But if you were a dude, you get to skip all of that. All you have to do is make a mistake, and BOOM. You get a baby!
- When we get our periods. So, I guess we curse ourselves about 12 times a year? It really does suck to have to always plan things around that time of the month. Imagine never having to worry that it will come during your beach vacation, or during a camping trip, or the day of a big job interview. Guys are lucky because their bodies are the same every day. But, we find solace in just knowing that if they ever did have cramps, they’d definitely cry about it.
- Walking past a construction site. Construction workers have a reputation for making crude comments at women who simply have to get from one block to another. And if you live in as decrepit a place as New York City, you know that it seems like every block is under construction all the time. When you inevitably see a worksite coming up in the near distance, you already start mentally preparing yourself to ignore anything that remotely resembles human speech. If only you were just another guy, you’d never bother crossing the street.
- Walking anywhere. As a woman, you know you can’t just walk anywhere without hearing stuff being said by weirdos on the street. So if you’re tired of hearing “Damn, girl!” or “Smile!” a thousand times a day, you’ve probably at some point wished you could pass as a man just to avoid being disgusted by 50% of the human race.
- When trying to open jars. Or really doing anything that requires a little extra strength. It’s kind of unfair, if you think about it. How did we even evolve with such a huge disparity between men and women in terms of strength? Anytime we face something as simple as trying to open a jar, or carry a suitcase up some stairs, it just sucks knowing that if only we were a guy, it would probably be a piece of cake.
- During or after sex. C’mon, you know you’ve always tried to imagine what it’s like to have a penis (probably unsuccessfully though, since there’s no way to be sure and rubbing your arm just doesn’t feel very good). And if you were a guy, you could almost guarantee you’d never have such a bad lay that you couldn’t even get yourself to come. It must be nice. And afterwards, you’d be satisfied and go to sleep, instead of being left wondering “wtf” or “does he love me??”
- When we’ve been single for too long. Because that means that everyone you know is going to keep asking you why you haven’t found someone yet or wondering when, if ever, you’re going to get married. We have to be honest because there is a double standard for this. Guys who are bachelors are like role models, but women who are single and past the age of 30 are almost frowned upon. People think you either put your career before family (which is seen as bad in our culture because we’re just baby-making machines after all) or there’s something wrong with you that chases guys away, but if you’re a single guy, you’re just living the good life.
