Dating can be a uniquely challenging experience for an introvert. We all want to be loved and find that one special person, but it’s kind of hard to find someone when you prefer to stay away from groups and crowded situations. Here are 7 things to know about an introvert if you’re trying to date one (or, if this is you, some things to relate t0).
We take breaks between dates.
One failed date is too much people-ing for us. Introverts are quickly drained by others. We could start the whole month off full of energy and ready to mingle, only to expend all of that hopefulness on one interaction, good or bad. Retreating back to our dens to recharge is a much-welcomed follow-up to putting out an effort to be social. Especially if it’s a high activity outing like going to a bar/nightclub or a concert or just generally being around a group of people, especially new ones we have to meet and introduce ourselves to. We’re not likely to just schedule back to back first dates with multiple people and enjoy new faces every day while in pursuit of one special person to settle with.
We prefer to date fewer people at one time.
While an extrovert may thrive on networking and racking up tons of connections with others, introverts prefer to be more selective. We’re more likely to spend time in our heads thinking and analyzing our interactions with others. It’s simply too much work to keep up with too many dating partners at once. It requires a higher frequency of going out, talking on the phone, and remembering details about someone else. We’re not good at keeping 10 running conversations with others going at the same time and don’t enjoy sorting out who is who. We savor small tastes of others by choosing quality bonding over quality of options.
It’s easier for us to use dating apps or leave it up to chance than go to clubs and bars.
People who prefer downtime and the homebody lifestyle aren’t exactly itching to throw ourselves in the lion’s den of people-ing. Crowds are too overstimulating, and even if we bumped into someone we’re interested in, it’s too chaotic of an environment to sort our thoughts and really enjoy meaningful interaction with someone else. We want to connect somewhere lowkey, where we can tune out the noise and have fewer distractions. Packed venues force us to spend more time trying to process the environment than being able to zone in on one person and give them our full attention. We wouldn’t be fully comfortable to be or show our true selves in these types of places.
We like dates in quiet places.
Lunch and coffee dates are better than late-night chaos. We’re introspective people who don’t want a lot of external distractions. We can come off as shy, but really, it’s more that we require comfort to be ourselves. We can feel lost in the hustle and bustle and find sanctuary by retreating more within. To really get us out of our shell, it’s better to minimize the surroundings and keep things more intimate and cozier. We need to feel at home outside of our homes. Early dates also give us plenty of time to go home and enjoy a peaceful evening-in if the date was particularly exhausting for us and we need to recoup before the next day.
We consider bonding at home to be a date.
Introverts are true homebodies. We’re comfortable in our space. We’re all for a romantic night in with a cooked meal or a Redbox/Netflix movie date. A thoughtful home date to us can be just as enjoyable, if not more, than going out just to spend money and face possible stress. We also appreciate sentimental and creative ideas and find quality time at home to be a better reveal of effort and character. It’s easier for someone to pay for entertainment that’s set up and provided for at a recreational venue. It takes a little more consideration to create a date at home from scratch and make it something your partner would like.
We need time for ourselves.
Introverts aren’t likely to become stage 5 clingers. We don’t crave as much social interaction as extroverts do. We’re OK by ourselves. We enjoy nature, quiet, and solitude. Even if we really like you, we prefer not to see you every single day. Give us time to recover. We may go silent for a few days and it’s not something to take personally. We may be lost in our thoughts or just taking a break. We appreciate others more when they understand our need for space.
We need stimulating conversation.
Most introverts enjoy quiet activities like reading books, working on puzzles, or simply taking a walk outside. We think a lot and reflect on opinions, conversations, and feelings. We’re not about flash, showing off, and superficial matters. Partying and living it up just to be around people, noise, and excitement isn’t our thing. If we choose to spend time with you, we want to know who you are. We spend a lot of time living in our own heads and want to see what you have going on in yours. We need to be able to connect what we have on the inside with what you have going on inside you as well. If all we see is what you’re externally giving off and you don’t let us deep within, we’re thrown off.
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