Some relationships are more common than you might think even though people don’t talk about them very often out of fear of judgment. Others might make assumptions about certain relationships because they aren’t familiar with them or because they aren’t considered normal to society as a whole. Here are just a few arrangements people tend to keep on the hush-hush.
- Many couples don’t talk about their sexless marriages. Many people assume the worst if they hear that someone is in a sexless relationship. If it’s a heterosexual relationship, they assume that it it’s the woman that doesn’t want to have sex (or can’t), but that’s not always the case. People assume that if there’s no sex in a relationship, that they must not be happy together. Even worse, people assume that one of the partners must be cheating. The truth is, there are many reasons why couples might have a marriage like this. Not only that, but there’s no reason that a couple can’t be happy in a relationship without sex.
- Some couples don’t want to talk about their alternative lifestyle relationship. There are many types of relationships that are considered alternative lifestyle relationships by mainstream society. Swingers, hotwives, cuckold relationships are among them. There are also ethically non-monogamous (ENM) relationships, polyamorous people, and kinksters (people into BDSM and other similar types of kink). Many people who chose to live in these types of relationships don’t speak about them to their “vanilla” friends because the judgment can be extreme. A lot of people will assume that they have “daddy issues” or were sexually abused as a young person. People often think that swingers, ENM people, or polyamorous people are just having a lot of sex and that they’re not being safe. Unfortunately, even if people who have alternative lifestyle relationships try to tell their friends how it really is, no one really listens. Sometimes it is just easier to keep things quiet.
- People keep their throuple relationships quiet. Throupledom is becoming more popular with people in throuple relationships starting to show up in mainstream media (Kev, Veronica, and Svetlana, for example). However, many prefer to keep this to themselves. Again, it goes back to people making assumptions and not bothering to learn what their relationship is really like. Not all throuple relationships are even sexual. Lesbian or gay couples might form a long-term relationship with someone of the opposite sex to have children. This can give all parents the opportunity to be in the child’s life by living under one roof.
- People don’t talk about platonic marriages. Platonic marriages are a little different from sexless marriages. Whereas sexless marriages usually start out as being sexual, platonic marriages have no romantic or sexual vibe from the beginning. Two people may get married to enjoy the tax benefits of being married or to make it easier to find somewhere to live (apartment block owners often won’t rent a two-bedroom apartment to two women who have a child each, but they would rent a two-bedroom to two women who were married with two children of the same gender). Platonic friends might also get married to provide safety for their children should anything happen to them. They may even get married with the intention of having or adopting children together. Platonic marriages can work very well, but if you’re public about it, you might have put up with questions like, “But what if you want to marry someone else?”
- Sugar Daddies and Sugar Babies are kept quiet. The fact is that some men just don’t have time or energy to establish long-term relationships. They want the comfort of regular companions (sometimes younger, but not always) but most women aren’t willing to put time and effort into a relationship that isn’t providing them with the attention they crave. Paying for what you want is nothing new, but it’s also looked down upon in society.
- Age gap relationships are kept under wraps. Older men with younger women have become a little bit more acceptable over the years, but there are still many people that look down on them. Some assume that the age gap means there is a displacement of power. Age gap relationships with older women and younger men are even more taboo. If both people in the couple are mature, consenting adults, where’s the problem?
- Kink-based relationships aren’t understood. There are many kinks that occur within relationships that are difficult to be open about. Swingers, hotwives, cuckolding, BDSM, and other forms of kink are just not understood by society. They are viable forms of relationships that can leave both parties very satisfied.
- DDLG is especially taboo. DDLG stands for Daddy Dom Little Girl and it has nothing to do with incest or pedophilia. Unfortunately, many people think that it is wrong because of the roles that are played in the relationship. The role of Daddy Dom is more to do with a caregiver role. His authoritativeness is comforting, especially to a woman that falls into a Little Girl state of mind when she needs to calm herself or find an escape from life’s stressors. It’s important to remember, as each person plays their roles, at no time is anyone pretending to be a child, a parent, or an infant. It’s only the characteristics of these roles that appeal to them.
The truth is, none of these relationships styles are new. Non-monogamy has been around since the beginning of time. In fact, polyandry (a type of polyamory that involves a woman with multiple husbands, more commonly known as a reverse harem in reader circles) was common in parts of China, Tibet, and India. Polygamy was practiced in biblical times. Jacob had to marry the older sister, Leah, before he could marry Rachel; then they permitted him to have two concubines.
Could you talk about being in a relationship such as these? How would you react if a friend told you that she and her husband liked to practice cuckolding? Think about it for a minute or two. Now, remember that the less we judge other people, the freer we are to live our lives the way we choose to without judgment.
