I’m A People Pleaser & It’s Seriously Draining Me

I’m A People Pleaser & It’s Seriously Draining Me ©iStock/Maridav

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a people pleaser. I want everyone around me to be happy and content, and I hate rocking the boat. Logically I know that you can’t please everybody, but that doesn’t stop me from trying — and it’s getting seriously draining.

  1. I constantly put other people’s feelings above my own. While I know this is unhealthy, I can’t help it. If my friends aren’t having a good time, neither am I. I’ll do anything in my power to make sure everyone around me is happy before I even consider how I’m feeling. Sure, this can cause emotional baggage to form over the years, but it makes me feel good knowing that I helped others around me feel better about their lives.
  2. I feel the need to ask people all the time if they’re doing okay. As much as I hate doing this, I need reassurance that I’m helping every possible any way that I can. I don’t always trust people who tell me they’re okay because I know they’re just trying to get rid of me. People need to learn to be honest with me because I can always tell when they’re lying.
  3. No matter how much I do for others, my work is never done. It’s as if I can never be satisfied, so therefore I assume that no one around me is. Every day I wake up with the goal of improving other people’s lives because in turn, I’m improving my own.
  4. People see me as annoyingly caring. How many times can I say “I’m sorry” before people will actually believe me? It’s my innate nature to treat everyone as my own child, and my motherly instinct doesn’t stop at simply doing small tasks for my loved ones. I strive to go above and beyond with whatever I do for them.
  5. I can’t rest until I know everyone else is pleased.  This can get especially difficult when I’m already sleep deprived, but the easiest way for me to fall asleep is knowing that I have done everything in my power to make the people around me satisfied. If my best friend just broke up with her boyfriend, you bet I will be staying up all night with her until she feels better again.
  6. If someone wants something I want, I let them have it. Sharing is caring, after all, and for me, nothing gives me more gratification than knowing that I sacrificed something I wanted for a loved one’s bliss. Sure, I may not always get what I want, but everyone around me does, and that gives me purpose.
  7. No matter how stressed I am, I continue giving as much as I can. This can definitely become a problem when I’m right in the middle of the school year, juggling work and maintaining an apartment, but I simply can’t help it. I will give everyone around me 110 percent effort because I expect the same from them (even though I rarely get it).
  8. I struggle to feel fulfilled until every person I know is happy. I may have the perfect job, the perfect boyfriend and perfect grades, but none of that matters if my loved ones are not content with their own lives.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia