In case you’ve been living under a rock, “ghosting” is a term used to describe the sudden radio silence we’re victim to when someone we’re dating decides they’re no longer interested in us, but doesn’t have the balls to just say so. It’s the self-centered and easy way out of a relationship, and if it’s happened to you, you might be wondering why. Here are some feeble explanations from guys who’ve done it:
- “Because I’m immature.” Well, at least he’s honest. Justin, 27, said the reason he used ghosting as an exit strategy in his past is because he was immature, and a boy – not yet a man. This makes perfect sense: one’s likelihood to ghost is directly related to their maturity level. Date more men and fewer boys, and you should be fine.
- “I wanted to keep her as a future option.” Derek, 28, says that by ghosting, he’s not officially ending the relationship, which allows him to keep you as a future option in case he changes his mind down the road — or in case it doesn’t work out with the girl he ghosted you for. Sorry, Derek, but that’s the most screwed up logic I’ve ever heard. By ghosting, he’s still ending the relationship, just in a really crappy way, and down the road you’ll remember that. Good luck rekindling things after that.
- “To avoid confrontation.” Dave, 29, admitted to me that he finds the break up conversation very uncomfortable, and that he would ghost to avoid that conversation even knowing how selfish he was being. No, Dave, confrontation isn’t easy – but grow up!
- “I thought only official couples had to officially break up.” Zach, 25, states that he thought a breakup was only necessary if you’re in a genuine, exclusive and official relationship. I’ve definitely heard this excuse before, and it’s a bunch of BS. It doesn’t matter that we’re accustomed to a casual hookup culture, because no matter how casual a relationship is, a proper breakup is still a necessity as we’re dealing with human beings who have feelings. Even if you’ve only been on three dates, he doesn’t get to disappear without a trace. It’s not solely ‘real’ or ‘official’ couples who have to break up.
- “I figured I was saving her feelings from getting hurt.” Brad, 29, says that he thought it would hurt more for a woman to hear that he’s just not interested anymore, and that he was saving her feelings by ghosting instead. What Brad doesn’t realize is that it’s much worse to be a victim of ghosting, because the stress of wondering what went wrong and being left in the dark can drive a woman nuts and ultimately lead to more pain than necessary.
- “I wasn’t confident enough to have the conversation that was needed.” Julian, 28, admits that he lacked the confidence to have that necessary conversation. Those who ghost are often passive and cowardly instead of direct and confident. It’s not acceptable to disappear, though, so as ‘scary’ as it is, he’ll have to properly end it.
- “Because I had no respect for her.” Chris, 26 boldly states that he lacked respect for the last woman he dated, which made ghosting her incredibly easy for him. A lack of respect or empathy for others can certainly lead to ghosting, but even if this woman did something to deserve losing his respect, it’s still not cool to up and ghost.
- “My past experiences of doing it the proper way left a bad taste in my mouth.” Rob, 30, says that in the past, when he was honest about wanting to end the relationship, it opened a flood-gate of insults. The rejected woman would turn on him and start listing off all the reasons why he’s not good enough for her anyway. This wasn’t fun for Rob and he began to see the appeal of ghosting – it was just so much easier.
No matter the excuses behind it, there’s never an excuse for ghosting — it’s literally the worst way to reject someone. Here’s the reality: You deserve better. You deserve an explanation. But there are some people out there who are upfront, direct, honest, open and mature – people who would never ghost you. Men. Anyone else simply isn’t worth losing sleep over.