No one would argue that dating is tough these days. But while we may refer to it as the dating game, games are the last thing you need if you want to find a boyfriend or if you want to keep the one you already have. There are tons of “rules” that different “experts” have outlined in order for you to obtain or keep a man, and they usually involve playing some kind of manipulation. Having some sort of guide may seem comforting, but in fact it’s counter-productive.
Playing games never works in love. The only thing dating has in common with a game are the elements of risk and chance. In order to have a healthy, successful, adult relationship, you have to stop playing games. Here are 8 reasons why you need to forfeit and allow yourself to live in the moment.
- In relationships, there should be no winners or losers. If your goal is always to win, you will always lose. If you’re biggest concern is always having the upper hand, you most likely aren’t in the headspace or at a maturity level to be in a real relationship. Relationships thrive on vulnerability and being able to let your guard down. Playing games and “winning” a relationship should never be a game. While there’s always a winner in chess, in a relationship if all you do is protect the queen (i.e. yourself), you’ll surely find yourself without a king – maybe sooner than you think.
- You’re generally going against your gut. Unless you’re a manipulative person (fingers crossed you’re not), playing games is not your natural reaction or instinct about everything related to another sex. When you do this, you’re ignoring your intuition for the sake of some rule you think you’re supposed to follow about how long it should be before you text a guy back or whatever the case may be. We have a gut for a reason and when we ignore it, things rarely work out.
- The law of attraction will work against you. You’re supposed to put out there what you want to receive back. If the only energy you’re putting out into the universe with your relationships is disingenuous and interested in manipulation, guess what you’re going to get back? Yep. Unless you have a weird mental fetish for game playing, you’re only setting yourself up for disaster and heartbreak.
- You’re setting a dangerous precedent. If you start playing games in the beginning, what sort of precedent are you setting for your relationship if it progresses? Come on, we’ve all heard Oprah: a relationship can’t survive if you aren’t being your authentic self, and what’s less authentic than being underhanded? Once you start playing games with a guy, where does it end? Will he play them back with you? What if he doesn’t know the rules? What if he plays the game by different rules? And do you really want to be with a guy who plays games, too?
- You aren’t giving a guy the chance to fall for you. If you’re playing games with and attracting guys you’re giving them the chance to get to know the you in the game. When you stop playing games, the attraction might not be there. Maybe you guys thrived on the chaos of it all. Whenever you’re presenting a false sense of self, you run the greater risk of your relationship not working when you finally let the guard down and are yourself.
- Games become frustrating for all involved. The thing about games – especially when they don’t come with a pair of dice, board, and instruction book – is that the rules can change at any given time. Any player can change them, and anyone can quit whenever they want. It can be difficult and frustrating to try to keep up with who’s playing what game at what time and your partner could at some point throw in the towel on your relationship or what would’ve been your relationship. Doing this with a mate or potential mate could unintentionally have the opposite effect.
- You can’t manipulate love. Love is fluid. It’s an emotion. It involves two people who change and whose feelings change on a daily and even possibly an hourly basis. As much as you want to try to play games with a guy to try to minimize any potential risk your heart is taking, you can’t. As is evident with all of the earlier reasons you need to stop playing games, you can’t manipulate love or people into falling in love or feeling the way you want them to feel. It’s unfortunate, but if you like a guy, you’re going to have to just buckle up and get ready for the ride.
- There really is beauty in an unforeseen future. If you knew that a guy would give you butterflies on Tuesday at 4pm, the feeling wouldn’t be as precious, would it? If you knew that you were going to have a massive fight but the world’s best makeup sex two weeks from tomorrow, life would be pretty boring, right? As much as it’s uncomfortable to live in the moment and be vulnerable and put yourself out there, you can’t be in a real relationship if you don’t. Instead of fighting it, try to find the beauty in the not knowing and the unexpected. You will probably get your heart broken but you will also have some amazing surprises in store for you that wouldn’t be as magical if you knew they were coming around the corner.