You’re out for drinks with the girls when you get one of those text messages. Your phone’s ominous blinking is impossible to ignore. You frantically tap on the screen to read his message: “Netflix and chill?” The guy is a total bro, but he’s great in bed, so why not? It’s tempting at first – who doesn’t love great sex?— but hold up. Before you go casually jumping into bed with this dude, keep these things in mind:
- You’re not a basic bitch. You may love your Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Uggs, and yoga pants, but you’re an intelligent, interesting human being worth knowing. You have so much more to offer guys than sex. If that’s all he wants you for, you don’t have to accept it.
- You deserve to be wooed. I’m not saying you can’t have fun. Dating doesn’t always have to be so serious, but if the guy is too lazy or cheap to take you out, show you a good time, and introduce to something other than his penis, then why is he worthy of having access to your body? If his only contribution to your life is sexual, take a hard pass, ladies. You’ll learn nothing from this experience… except how long it takes to rebuild your self-worth after he’s moved on to the next.
- R-E-S-P-E-C-T. You deserve respect, and a guy who respects a girl will legitimately feel like a loser for not spending any real time outside in the real world with her. If he’s only calling you for Netflix and chill, he doesn’t respect you. He has no interest in your thoughts, your opinions, and all that talking you’re doing while the movie is rolling is kind of annoying. He’s hoping you’ll shut up for five seconds so he can get things started.
- You want a relationship. Do n’t fool yourself here. You’re not the girl to fix his emotional trauma; you won’t suddenly make him realize that you’re the girl of his dreams. He’s not looking for that. A relationship is work and he’s so far from putting in that kind of effort that you’re going to drag yourself through the jagged, broken pieces of your self-worth for nothing.
- 5. You are Not THE ONE. There is no such thing as “The One… Who Made Him Grow Up.” Millennial men have enjoyed an extended childhood and there’s no amount of sex, pizza, or gaming with him that will make him suddenly realize that a real job is beneficial and maybe showering every day is a thing he should start doing.
- You aren’t here to inflate some dude’s ego. We’ve heard a lot lately about how our generation is chock full of narcissistic, self-indulgent overgrown man-children. If you’ve found yourself hanging out with one of these losers, remind yourself that you’re not his personal cheerleader, and you’re not here to make him feel important or like he’s a manly man for having sex with you. For guys, Netflix and chill is the ultimate in getting something for absolutely nothing, which only feeds his God complex. Please don’t fall for this trick.
- This is not what feminists meant when they said we are in charge of our bodies. I get that women are becoming more and more comfortable with our sexuality, but don’t skew the message of our foremothers. These ladies were ladies to the extreme – they said what they wanted, but they didn’t go around giving it to men who didn’t appreciate their worth and who didn’t take the time to know them. But this nu-wave feminism of walking around with our bits out and giving guys what they want without them having to work for it is kind of ruining our badass reputation.
- You’re not a robot. Oh, is this one a surprise? Here’s what I mean: Every time women engage in sex, a flood of chemicals is released and washes over our brains to generate those lovey-dovey feelings we get after we’ve spent the night or a couple hours with Super Douche. Over a few months time, our bodies have our hearts convinced we’re in love – we get all breathless over text messages, read way into some of his Facebook posts and before you know it, we lose our damn minds over a guy who had no interest in a relationship. Women are wired to behave this way, to respond emotionally, and guys just aren’t. It’s not a bad thing, but it is why there have been dating protocols for centuries! It seems like misogynistic control tactics, but I promise, there is some truth to what the old timers have to say. You don’t have to like it, you don’t even have to participate, but don’t think you’re getting one over on Mother Nature.
There are some ladies out there that can make this situation work for them – if you’re one of them, I envy you. I’m sure it happens, but it’s the exception to the rule. In the bright light of the next morning, you have to look yourself in the mirror and be good with the reflection.