Ideally, relationships should be 50/50, with both you and your boyfriend putting in the same amount of time, energy, love and willingness to compromise — but that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes you find yourself conceding more than you’d like to (and definitely more than you should). If you relate to any of the following, you’re selling yourself and your own happiness short:
- You keep your pain a secret. He says that he’s sick of fighting, so you just keep your feelings to yourself in order to avoid an argument. You might be saving him a little stress, but you’re causing yourself a lot more of it. You’re pain demands to be felt. Is it really better to go through the heartache alone?
- You pretend to be the ‘cool girl.’ You act like it’s no big deal when he checks out other girls or makes jokes about your sex life to the guys. You’re trying to be the girl you think he wants you to be, but that isn’t the real you. You’re allowing him to treat you like crap just so you don’t look controlling, but control has nothing to do with it. The truth is he just needs to respect you, because you should never have to compromise who you are to make him happy.
- You fake your orgasm. You want him to feel good, so you don’t tell him about how he could’ve made you feel even better. What you really should have done is told him about your dissatisfaction so he could make it up to you in a different way. You faked it though, so instead of him going down on you, he gets to bask in the glory of his orgasm while you’re left unsatisfied.
- You settle for good enough. You really want a fairytale love, but you’re worried that would be asking too much of him. So you just accept life the way it is and settle for companionship rather than true love. If you want more from your relationship, then you should tell him. You have a right to pursue your own happiness and if he’s not on board, then you should find a man who cares about your happiness as much as he cares about his own.
- You don’t tell him what you want. You think you’re being a good partner by always putting his needs before your own, but over time you’ll grow to resent him for coming first. Your wants and needs in life and this relationship are just as important as his, and if he can’t see that then find someone who can.
- You let your anger build. Men hate fighting, so women have learned to brush the little things under the rug. But do they really disappear? You might be able to pick and choose your battles, but eventually a fight will break out. When it does, you’ll remember every little thing you push aside for his happiness and those little insignificant battles will all play a part in your war.
- You accept actions over apologies. He didn’t say he’s sorry, but he’s showing it. It might sound acceptable, but in reality that’s not enough. You’re letting him off the hook by allowing him to get away without an apology. You need a man who can admit when he’s wrong and apologize when he’s truly sorry. It’s great that he’s at least showing you, but he also needs the courage to say those two little words that mean so much to you.
- You let him have his cake and eat it too. He’s not ready for commitment, so you’re not his girlfriend yet. It’s funny how he’s not ready for the label, but he’s perfectly fine with you acting like his girlfriend in the meantime. You guys can hang out and have sex but when it comes to monogamy, that’s where he draws the line. You just want to be with him, so you accept his terms, even if they make you unhappy.