If you find yourself looking forwards to a nice, quiet evening cuddling up to your Netflix account instead of spending time with your (perhaps potential) significant other, you may be unknowingly dating a TV provider instead of a human being. For those who are unsure whether the relationship they have with Netflix is preferable to a real, live man, here are a few reasons logging on and pressing play is sometimes the best option.
You can run to Netflix for comfort. After a really difficult day at work or a stressful argument with your mother, it’s normal to turn to your special someone for comfort. If that means running to your laptop for a good cry over an episode of Parenthood, you’re probably missing a level of support that you should be getting from humans, but so what? Extra points if you combine marathon watching and binge eating.
Netflix is better at guessing your mood. Feeling happy and Netflix suggests 30 Rock? Hell yeah, bring on the Tina Fey. Homesick and Friends is queued up? Let’s do this. Hungover and Gilmore Girls is waiting for you? Of course you’re doing that. But if your man isn’t this good at figuring out your mood, you probably have a deeper bond with your Netflix account. Here’s a tip on guessing your lady’s mood, fellas: there’s a good chance it isn’t always horny.
Only Netflix surprises you in a good way. When Netflix is right and you really DID enjoy that documentary on competitive ice sculpture making you never would have watched without its suggestion, and your boyfriend’s surprises for you include his favorite liquor and tickets to a sporting event you’re disinterested in, your Netflix account probably knows you better than he does.
Netflix is the thing you count on to not judge you. If you’re binge watching Grey’s Anatomy in private because your boyfriend would judge this type of behavior, you may feel closer to Netflix than you do to your actual romantic partner.
Only Netflix wants to hang out with you in your sweatpants. If your boyfriend ever says, “You’re going to change, right?” kick him out, keep your comfy grays on and enjoy an evening with your real S.O.: Netflix.
Netflix is more reliable than your human boyfriend. It’s 10 pm; do you know where your boyfriend is? No. But you know exactly where Netflix is: cuddled up with you in bed on your tablet.
Only Netflix is never disappointed in you. Go ahead, skip that job interview, have a beer at 10 am, and order food to add to your collection of rotting take out containers that have been piling up next to the sink. There’s nothing you could do that would make your real life partner, Netflix, disappointed in you.
You only can say “Jinx” to your Netflix account. You can never guess what your boyfriend is about to say, but you and Netflix are regularly saying, “In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories” at the same exact time. Dun Dun. #soulmates.