8 Signs Your Ex Is Keeping You As A Backup

Some guys just don’t know what they want, and while they’re out exploring their options, they keep their ex in their back pocket just in case they strike out and/or suddenly realize you’re the one they wanted the whole time. They might still date other people, but be aware of these signs that he still thinks he can come running back to you at any time so you can block his number immediately. Remember: you deserve much more than being your ex’s backup plan.

  1. He makes sure he doesn’t lose your attention. The ex that’s still thinking of you as a backup plan continues to text and call you. He comes over to your place to hang out and order takeout. He wants to know if you’re seeing anyone and he might even still be flirty with you. This guy isn’t totally ready to let go of what you had and he doesn’t want you to let go either. He reminds you of things you did together, trips you took, and all the good times you had. He sweeps the not-so-good times under the rug and minimizes their importance in hopes that you’ll forget about them.
  2. He keeps you involved in his family life. He still talks to his mom about you and tells you that his family misses you. You might even get invited to family functions once in a while or his mom might call you or text you to say hi (probably with his encouragement). Ultimately, he is still considering having you in his life if no one better shows up, so he wants his family to keep you in their mind.
  3. He still buys you things. These little presents might come on birthdays or non-existent anniversary dates. The point of buying you things is so you’ll keep them around your home and think of him. He comes across as just being a good friend, but if he’s still buying you little presents “because it made me think of you,” there’s a good chance he’s explicitly trying to keep himself in your life.
  4. He keeps your relationship convenient. This guy is not going to make an effort to be there for the truly important things in your life but when it’s convenient for him, he’ll make his presence known. Calls and texts are sporadic. They’re just frequent enough so you can’t forget about him but not so often that you can count on him.
  5. He doesn’t label other female friends around you. If you ask if the new person he’s been seeing is his girlfriend, he’ll likely tell you that they’re just hanging out. That’s if he tells you about them at all. He’s more likely to avoid talking about his dating life. Your ex doesn’t want you to feel that you don’t have a chance with him. He wants you to constantly be hoping that you’ll get back together.
  6. He’s busy if you suggest doing something public together. Plans are always made on his terms. Usually, that means he doesn’t have a date or the girl he’s seeing is busy. He certainly won’t agree to do anything with you that involves being with his friends and public appearances (even cafes or restaurants) are rare. If you do see him, it is at a time he suggests and it is usually at your place or his place, where no one can see you together.
  7. He’s keeping an eye on you. Social media makes it easy for him to know where you are, who you’re hanging out, with and if you’re seeing anyone else. If you post pics with other men, he’s quick to comment on them with something sweet and flirty to let other men know that he’s still in your life.
  8. He suggests a marriage pact. Remember in Friends when Chandler and Monica promised each other that if they were still single when they were 40 they would have a baby together? It’s like that, but marriage. If he suggests you get married if you’re both still single at a certain age, you’re definitely his backup plan. Don’t agree to that crap. Hold out for the guy that thinks you’re the only person he wants to marry.

When it comes right down to it, relationships end for a reason. They end because one person or the other doesn’t want it to continue. Let it end peacefully. Don’t let the guy who thinks of you as a backup plan drag your relationship on past its due date. You deserve to move on and find a man that will always consider you to be his first choice and only choice. The man who thinks you’re his backup plan is not worthy of you.

Danielle has been a freelance writer for 20+ years. She lives in Canada with her dog Rogue and drinks a lot if coffee.