When we’re in relationships with people who are wrong for us, it can make us question ourselves and wonder if we’re the problem. It can make you feel like you’re too needy, too independent, too much, too honest, too vulnerable, and ultimately, hard to love. In reality, you’re just with the wrong person. Here’s how you know for sure.
You have no problem admitting when you’re wrong.
If there’s ever been a situation in which you’ve overreacted, you never hesitate to apologize and acknowledge that you acted out of line. No one is perfect and you’re well aware that includes you. There are always going to be times in a relationship when both partners occasionally act out of character and behave in ways they know are disrespectful. When you realize you’ve done something like this, you always make sure your partner knows that you understand what you said or did was wrong.
It feels like you have to put in most of the work.
Your partner doesn’t seem to be putting in the same amount of effort as you are and you have to pick up the slack in order to make it work. Examples of this are when you’re always the one initiating plans, checking in throughout the day, or going to family functions with your partner. A relationship shouldn’t be one-sided. It’s not fair to you and it will make you question whether you’re too needy or asking for too much. With someone who’s right for you, you won’t feel that way at all.
It seems like your partner doesn’t value your time and energy.
You’re more than happy to go out of your way to see your partner, spend time with them, make them happy and do things that you know will benefit your relationship. It feels like the majority of the time, they don’t appreciate that you go above and beyond for them. They also expect you to do things with them that aren’t your normal cup of tea, like go to a sports bar with their friends, but have no interest in doing things with you if it’s out of their typical routine.
Your partner makes you feel guilty when they do put a little effort into the relationship.
They expect a huge thank you and a big show of appreciation whenever they put any amount of effort into the relationship, even when you regularly do the same (or more). They also make sure to let you know how inconvenient, exhausting, or taxing it was. When they do things for you, they want to make sure it’s clearly noticed and documented. It’s as if they’re only doing things for the credit, not because they genuinely want to.
You’ve explained how you feel and what bothers you to your partner multiple times in a calm way.
You’ve taken the time to communicate to your partner what behaviors and actions of theirs bother you without getting angry or blaming them. Your partner is aware of how you feel and what kinds of things hurt you. Basically, you’ve given them the benefit of the doubt and the chance to change and/or compromise, but they’ve chosen not to change and instead, they just ignore your feelings and carry on as normal.
They refuse to even try to understand your perspective.
No one is going to agree with you all the time, but a partner who’s right for you will take the time to listen and understand how you’re feeling. They may think differently than you do, but they at least hear out your opinion and try to understand where you’re coming from.
Whenever it seems like you’re about to walk away, that’s when they step up.
When your partner realizes that they have pushed you to the point where you’re ready to throw in the towel, they start to make last-ditch efforts to save the relationship. They promise to change, they start giving more effort and stop doing all of the little things that were slowly breaking the two of you down. Most likely, these changes are only to keep you from leaving and won’t last very long.
You have different ideas about what kinds of behavior and values are important in a relationship.
What you need in a relationship from your partner is completely different from what they need. You expect certain behavior from someone you’re dating and they don’t have the same expectations. You’re just on completely different pages about your relationship, which constantly creates conflict and issues between the two of you. In other words, it’s not meant to be.
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