I’m in a relationship and it’s awesome, but my life hasn’t always been this way. Prior to this, I was single AF for several years, and I thought I’d be a lifer in the “forever alone” club. As much as I lamented being single, there were also a lot of things I loved about living the single life.
- I loved feeling so completely free. Freedom is an amazing feeling, and it’s one that I still know and love in many respects. Being in a serious relationship hasn’t made me feel like I’m forbidden from doing certain things (because I’m not), but it has changed the way I approach life. When I was single, I lived as if every day was my last; now I actually give a crap about the future again, and there’s a lot of responsibility ahead of me. It’s a bit intimidating to think about.
- I miss my intense focus on hustling. I still work really hard, but there was a time when I could completely cut myself off from emotion in order to hustle even harder. The thought of love had been dismissed, and I was able to focus completely on my careers; I entertained the idea of moving to different places to pursue various career paths, including possibly living abroad. It changed things for me when I found love, because it made me crave more of a work/life balance so that I can also pursue my relationship and family goals.
- I don’t remember what it was like to have tons of free time, except that it was awesome. My career has always been busy, but yet I still had an adequate amount of free time when I was single. I wouldn’t trade my relationship for any amount of chill time, but it does get exhausting racing from the full-time office to the part-time home office every day while still attempting to keep up my household and occasionally catch a nap or a few hours with the boyfriend. Let’s be honest; sometimes he just takes a nap with me when I’m too exhausted to do anything else.
- Life felt simpler when I was only worried about myself. I don’t resent the fact that I have a partner, but being in a serious relationship does require a lot more effort than just existing as a single person. I love being in love, but sometimes I do miss the simplicity of just doing my own thing all the time. Especially when I consider the future, I see how much more complicated it’ll be now if I do decide I’d like to go to grad school or live in Europe for a year; I don’t have the luxury of just making plans for myself anymore.
- Flirting was fun, but I’d feel bad if I did it now. I know that flirting isn’t really cheating, but I have a lot of respect for my partner so I choose not to flirt with other guys as long as I’m with him. In most cases, I don’t miss it but it was fun in its own way to meet someone new and strike up a conversation with no idea where it could lead.
- I loved being a solo nomad. When I left my home state 3 years ago and started a brand new life in my new city, I did so completely by myself and it was the adventure of my life. It was terrifying, exhilarating, and so worthwhile. My plans previously included another similar move in the future, but now I’m rethinking the future because I’ve found someone I want to share my life with, and that involves living in the same state as him.
- I used to wonder what my soulmate would be like and how we would meet. Of course I’m glad I no longer have to wonder, but it’s weird sometimes when I think back on how it all happened. It’s like when I’m watching a great movie and anticipating the end of the story; when I find out what happened, I’m happy but also markedly aware that the suspense is gone.
- Single life was my comfort zone. Comfort zones feel good because, well, they’re comfortable. Unfortunately, staying in the comfort zone can stagnate personal growth; in order to move forward to the next steps in life, it’s necessary to step outside of the comfort zone and face the unknown future with courage.
