8 Things Secure Women Let Their Boyfriends Do

In a stable relationship, your boyfriend doesn’t need your permission to do anything. You’re not his mom or his boss — you’re his partner, meaning that the two of you are equals. He should give you a heads up about his plans, but he doesn’t need your your blessing. After all, secure women have no problem sitting back and letting their boyfriends do these things:

  1. Go out with his friends. If you can’t let the guy out of your sight for a few hours to go hang out with his friends, you need to release your kung fu grip and let the poor bastard breathe. He’s having a few drinks with his friends and making fart jokes for a few hours — nothing about that situation is a threat to you. Other women might hit on him while he’s out, but so what? He can handle those situations easily and at the end of the night, he’s still coming home to you.
  2. Have some alone time. Everyone needs some peaceful solitude now and then, men included. Needing time to decompress isn’t a huge middle finger to you and you shouldn’t interpret it that way. Sometimes, solitary silence is just the perfect cure for a bad day.
  3. Buy stuff. If he’s blowing his rent money on stupid crap that’s obviously a huge red flag, but whatever cash he has leftover after the necessities is his to spend on whatever he chooses. You have no right to his money and you do not inherently “deserve” any of it. It’s completely understandable to worry about irresponsible spending habits in a partner, but it isn’t your place to stick a flag in his bank account to claim it. If you share expenses and he isn’t holding up his end of the deal or keeping you in the loop, then it’s time to dump him. Otherwise, a secure woman will butt out.
  4. Go on trips without you. Just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you have to be attached at the hip as long as you’re both still breathing. Whether it’s travel for work or a road trip with his buddies, you should be secure enough in your relationship to trust the guy when he’s traveling without you. If his travels trigger anxiety, you need to either keep your doubt in check or examine why you have those feelings in the first place.
  5. Drink. Drinking all day every day and/or using booze as a coping mechanism is a problem, but there’s nothing wrong with having a beer or two after work or going out on weekends. That’s a far cry from full-blown alcoholism. Drinking a beer with dinner doesn’t mean that your boyfriend is trying to drown you out or find an escape.
  6. Masturbate. It’s just a release. It doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t attracted to you anymore or that he’s choosing watching sex online over you. When the mood strikes, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
  7. Interact with other women. Viewing other women as a threat to your relationship is insecure as hell. It’s insulting to him to be considered untrustworthy when unfaithfulness would never even cross his mind in the first place. Talking to other people is a part of life, and yes, some of those other people will have vaginas. Speaking to another woman doesn’t automatically constitute cheating and shouldn’t trigger jealousy.
  8. Play video games. If, in your mind, it’s acceptable for you to sit on your ass watching Netflix all weekend but it’s not OK for your boyfriend to play video games for a few hours, you need to go lick an electric fence. Devoting a few hours a week to playing video games is harmless. It’s not a crisis and he’s not neglecting you. If you find yourself pissed off every time your boyfriend turns his PlayStation on, you should probably get a hobby or some actual friends.
Lauren Clark is a writer and news curator based in Denver, Colorado with bylines here on Bolde and at Inside.com. While she’s vehemently anti-social media, you can find her on LinkedIn.