8 Things That A Relationship Needs For True Intimacy

There are so many metrics that people use in relationships to determine the level of intimacy. However, these vary from person to person, and from couple to couple.¬† That said, there are certain universal standards that indicate that a couple is particularly close. After all, you can’t say you and your partner are truly intimate unless these things happen.

  1. You fart in front of each other. The first fart will always be the most contentious. How you deal with the aftermath sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. You can ignore it and move on as if it never happened, and that’s fine. However, you’ll be stuck in the “hiding when you poop” stage for a long time after that. The first fart is a prime opportunity to move your relationship up a gear. Laugh, especially if it happens during an inauspicious moment during sex.
  2. You say “I love you.” The first “I love you” is equally fraught. Much like the fart, however, once the first one is out the way, you are free to release them as you please. Getting to tell the person that you love that you love them is such a liberating thing to do. You’ll find that you can truly relax in their presence and just be who you are.
  3. You live together or plan to. This isn’t the be-all and end-all of relationship metrics, however, it is a big one. It’s the starting rung of a ladder that goes all the way from getting your first pet together to marriage. These are all relationship intimacies that are of the same standard. They’re all public demonstrations of love and affection – a commitment to the future through money, legality, and personal space. You mean business, basically.
  4. You’ve visited the parents. This is especially intimate if the partner initiates it or enquires about them. It’s not the same as being pushy or forward but simply expressing an interest. It’s about moving things forward, and showing all your cards. Relationships aren’t a game of hide and seek or tricking your partner into realizations. You should trust each other and feel safe with each other enough to share your thoughts and feelings as you feel them.
  5. You’ve met up with each other’s friends. This is also important, but much more relaxed than meeting the parents. Your friends are just like your partner in many ways, and they helped to shape who they are. They’re excited to meet you too, and it’s a fun way to learn about your significant other. It’s a greatly intimate introduction into their past and their future.
  6. You watch Gilmore Girls reruns in ugly PJs. This isn’t code for Netflix and chill – this is intimacy, not just a fling. It isn’t that you’ve stopped putting in the effort to impress each other, but simply that you’re super comfortable with each other. You aren’t worried that they won’t want to hang out without the promise of sex or drinks. There’s security, and with security there’s intimacy. There are so many ways to have a happy relationship that can be totally different from anything you’ve known about intimacy before.
  7. You stop wearing makeup with him. You still pop it out for special occasions and when you want to feel good, but you no longer associate dressing up with having to “reel him in.” You know where you stand and so does he. More than that, you can both relax and unwind in each other’s presence and just be who you are, whether that involves makeup or not.
  8. You have conversations long into the night. This can happen at any stage in the relationship. It’s as powerful whether you have just spent all day together or if you’re about to fly home for a month. Either way, these conversations can be about something and nothing and everything in between and you will treasure them. You’ll learn so much about each other’s past, present, future, goals, and aspirations and dig deeper into yourself. The right person will teach you so much about yourself. You’ll know when you’re really intimate with another person because you’ll feel like you’ve known them all along.

There you have it, the slightly sappy but totally honest review of ways that different relationships express their intimacy. It’s different for everyone, but you’ll know it when you see it. Trust me. Intimacy isn’t just about sex if that wasn’t obvious by now.

Hannah has a Masters degree in Romantic and Victorian literature in Scotland and spends her spare time writing anything from essays to short fiction about the life and times of the frogs in her local pond! She loves musical theatre, football, anything with potatoes, and remains a firm believer that most of the problems in this world can be solved by dancing around the kitchen to ABBA. You can find her on Instagram at @_hannahvic.
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