Step away from comparison. It may seem like the grass is greener on the other side, but most times, it’s not. I get that deep down most of us want love and it’s okay to be disappointed if it hasn’t happened for you yet. However, here are 8 things that you’re avoiding by being a party of one that may help you look at the bright side of riding solo.
Getting cheated on
We all have different values and tolerance levels, but for me, cheating is a complete deal-breaker. And, no, this doesn’t include mutually agreed upon arrangements in open relationships. I’m talking about cheating as in flat out behind your back hooking up with Little Ms. Extra-Friendly-At-The-Workplace. Who wants to live their life in a supposedly monogamous, committed relationship wondering if they will get an STD? To each their own, but not being alone isn’t worth the health risk, embarrassment, and disrespect to me.
Living in someone else’s shadow
According to TIME Magazine, women made up 50.04% of the US workforce in 2020. Yet, when you’re married, you can easily be referred to as So & So’s wife and asked what he does. What makes a man doing something suddenly more noteworthy and exciting than a woman’s accomplishments? Why not do bad all by yourself and get the proper recognition you deserve for it?
Being lied to
Everyone tells a white lie every now and again, sure, but unfortunately big lies are not exclusive to game-playing f*boys. There are men who will go through with officially marrying you and allowing you to believe major fabrications. There are guys who will propose to you while they are already married. There are no limits to the imagination of these lames when it comes to what they say, no matter who you are to them and how many years you’ve put into the relationship. It’s kind of nice to avoid all that.
Questioning your worth
Continuing to be disappointed and taken for granted by one person will wear on you. Preserve your energy -and sanity- by focusing on yourself. If you need some male attention, go out on some casual dates or talk to different guys on dating apps. But you don’t have to commit yourself to one person who is going to make you vulnerable, do you dirty, and leave you jaded and bitter.
Being disconnected from friends and family
It’s hard to continue to be around someone who chooses to stay with a douchebag, no matter how much you like them as an individual. Associating with you when you’re with him makes them complicit in the crap he stands for and people will get tired of it and eventually avoid you if you don’t wake up and cut ties with his bum self.
Setting a bad example for your kids (if you currently have/will have them)
People like to automatically assume something is wrong or missing from a household if there aren’t two “loving” parents. Well, if one parent is a complete dud or even so bad as toxic and dangerous, then are there two loving parents just because a shell of a human being is also present with you? Being present is not the same as having a worthy presence. Sometimes it’s better for children to see a single mother who is living her best life and working her hardest than to see guys come in and out or have a man around who does her and/or them harm.
The more commitments you have to others, the easier it is to forget who you even are. You’re busy trying to make everyone else happy. Even worse, some guys are controlling and minimizing. They are threatened by the idea of their woman being a higher wage earner or more successful than them. They don’t want you to dress a certain way so no one else gets to see how good you look. They don’t want you hanging out with certain people (even if they’re totally harmless like your family or closest girlfriends) because they’re jealous of you giving attention to someone other than them. Letting your physical body grow old with someone isn’t worth letting your soul and identity die young.
Having to start over from scratch in your mid-to-later life
You could settle early to get it over with and avoid eternal spinsterhood, but if you force something just to say you won’t die alone, chances are it’s going to fall through eventually. The more time you invest in something that isn’t genuine, the more years of your life you’re going to lose. It’s better to live an independent and secure life without a boo than to be lost and behind the curve when it might be too late to figure things out.
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