It’s often hard to understand your own feelings, especially when they have to do with someone you care about. If you’ve been in relationships that you regret, you know to watch for the warning signs of toxicity and heartbreak. Realize what you need in a partner and listen to yourself. No matter how much you want to make things work, here’s when you should trust your gut in love rather than ignore your emotions.
- It seems too good to be true. He’s suave. He’s an absolute charmer who makes you swoon, but there’s just a little nagging voice in the back of your head that doubts him. Is he like this with everyone? You notice that he is. He has a reputation and deep down you know that, but you try to ignore it. Don’t. Question the motives of potential suitors and it will save you a world of regret and heartache.
- He Makes You Uncomfortable. There is a part of you that knows he shouldn’t be pushing your boundaries. If you’ve established what you want and don’t want and he seems willing to go past these requests, be confident in speaking up. Don’t regret calling someone out for their inappropriate behavior, especially if it crosses your physical or emotional boundaries.
- He Undermines Your Feelings. He’s a great guy, but there are tiny instances where he makes you feel like your emotions are invalid. He tells you to smile more, or not to cry. Or that you’re overreacting. Though a once in a while comment might not be something to worry about, feeling constantly misheard or talked down on is probably a good sign that he doesn’t take anything you feel seriously. Trust that your feelings are valid and deserve a compassionate ear.
- He Doesn’t Listen. You talk for an hour about a best friend who really hurt you or a co-worker who’s grinding your gears. He responds vaguely. Was he even listening? If you’ve asked yourself this question more times than you can count, the truth is he probably isn’t. Where you feel neglected, take it upon yourself to realize your own worth. If you feel that someone isn’t listening to you, even when you’re pouring your heart out, chances are they aren’t for you.
- He Seems Obsessive. It’s the first date and already he’s talking about marriage. Red flag. Or maybe your relationship started out normal, but now he’s asking to look at your phone to see who you text, or he’s constantly calling you when you’re out to check where you are. If you’re beginning to feel smothered, come to terms with the ways in which obsession can often turn into manipulation. If you need to reach out for help, trust your gut. Who are your closest and most trusted friends? Find help where you need it most.
- You’ve Changed Yourself. You never liked dressing this way before, but now you’ve convinced yourself that you do. Often times you acquire new hobbies or pretend to like sports or music, simply because you know he likes them. In extreme cases, you put aside who you are for the person you love. If deep down you understand that this is not something you should be doing, you are right. Trust your instincts and stay true to who you are. The right partner will appreciate your honesty and authenticity.
- Your Friends and Family Don’t Like Him. Though this doesn’t always matter, if you value your family’s input, take it. If he talks down on your friends or family, take notice. If your bestie has a bad feeling about him, use this advice to evaluate your own feelings. Why doesn’t my family like him? Is there anything about him that I’m ignoring? Sometimes you can be blinded by your love or lust for another person. Take into account the feelings of those closest to you as well as your own.
- You Don’t Feel A Connection. This is a hard one. Because we can often convince ourselves that we shouldn’t break something off, even if we aren’t feeling it. You should put in more work, and then maybe you’ll feel the spark, right? Well, that’s not always the case. If you have been dating someone and you feel like there has never been a connection between you, it is perfectly fine to end a relationship. Do not stay with anyone out of obligation. If you feel like you are done, trust yourself.