If you’re seriously single, it’s more than likely that you spend lots of time at a wide variety of bars (when you’re not spending time with your OTL, Netflix). There are the dive bars where you go for cheap drinks and cheaper snacks, the bougie bars where you hunt for a husband, and even the nightclubs when you really feel like dancing. No matter what type of bar you frequent, you’re probably going to get hit on. After all, bar hopping does seem like an open invitation to some dudes, even if it’s actually just a way to unwind after a long day or even longer week. These are the eight guys that always exist, no matter what bar you go to.
The one who won’t take no for an answer. When you politely try to escape, he continues creeping. It seems like no matter where you go he’s right behind you, offering you a drink or grinding up against you when you least expect it. While app dating isn’t exactly romantic, no one wants to say that they met their boyfriend when they were wasted and he started humping without so much as a hello. It’s the equivalent of a random honking at you and you have to wonder if it’s ever worked on anyone.
The one who’s mad when you say no. Every lady has dealt with this dude and he’s the absolute worst. In fact, he’s even worse than the persistent one which is saying something. Whether you say no to a drink or to going home with him, suddenly he Hulks out and start insulting you, even though a few minutes ago you were exactly his type.
The one who’s obviously with someone else. Either you see him obviously hanging out with another girl earlier in the evening or he’s hitting on everything that moves (and some that don’t because it looked like he was leaning hard against that pinball machine). It’s not that he’s not cute, it’s that he seems beyond thirsty.
The one who wants you to join him (and someone else). If you’ve ever been to a bar that’s popular for pickups (think strong cheap drinks and a whole pile of horned up twenty-somethings) it’s more than likely that you’ve received this offer. If you were having a particularly wild night you might’ve even considered it. Unfortunately, said offer probably doesn’t involve a couple channeling Teigen and Legend. It’s usually a guy who’s slurring his words to the point where you have to ask him to repeat the offer multiple times until you get grossed out and give up.
The one who can’t stop dancing. This guy is seriously fun. He might not be your type and if he didn’t have moves for days you would probably never even look his way, but he makes the entire evening more fabulous. If you’re with friends who are more interested in meeting dudes than dancing, this guy is your savior. You can twerk (or at least attempt to) with tons of room around you because he doesn’t insist on being attached to you all tentacle-like for the entirety of the evening. This might not end up in a love match, but it will result in a dance floor battle.
The one who’s way too serious for a Saturday. He’s absolutely gorgeous and you’re overjoyed when he approaches. Once you start talking you realize that not only do you have nothing in common, you’re bored to tears (and you don’t want to risk your mascara running).
The one who can barely stand up. This guy is smoking hot and you’ve been eyeing him all night. He’s just your type and after following every Cosmo rule about hungry eyes he strolls over to you… Except while strolling he takes a spills. Once he arrives you realize that this dude is beyond blackout. You want to ignore his drunken behavior and focus on his face but it seems like he’s speaking another language and you don’t fee like matching him shot for shot until you’re on the same level.
The one who’s a friend of a friend. This is the ultimate wingman situation, but just because your friend found a guy doesn’t mean you’re automatically into his homeboy. In an ideal world, your friend would be seeing someone who would bring a guy for you that was a remote possibility. In the real world, it’s usually a guy who you know has a girlfriend (whether or not he chooses to disclose that is a separate issue) or someone you have 0 interest in who’s convinced you’re his for the night because his friend is about to score.
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