Since the first text was sent in December of 1992, it was only a matter of time before drunk texting would just become a thing with which we’d have to struggle, and ideally, avoid. At least in pre-texting days, people would have to call someone in order to get all their drunken rambling off their chest and that someone could slam down the phone on the other end, but texting doesn’t allow for such things. Once that text is sent, it’s gone. And once you’re drunk, restraint is also gone, so here’s how to avoid texting that ex of yours when you’ve had too much of the sauce.
- Take your ex’s number out of your phone. Well, well! Look at that! It’s the easiest way to avoid drunk texting… but yet something you can’t even fathom doing, right? Even if you can’t remove their number for good, you can always remove it for the night, write it on a piece of paper that you LEAVE AT HOME, then, if you really must, put it back in your phone the next morning when you’re good and sober.
- Leave your phone home. Yes, the thought of such a thing can make anyone break out into a panic attack, but you need to think about what’s worse: Not having your phone (gasp!) or waking up tomorrow morning realizing you’ve texted your ex and don’t remember a damn thing? You know any text you send your ex under the influence is going to be A. A booty call and mildly desperate, B. Full of pleas and emotional madness, or C. Completely and utter meanness that is definitely going to make them feel they dodged a bullet by no longer being with you. So why risk it? Humiliation can take weeks to shake.
- Give your phone to a friend. If you can’t bear the thought of functioning in the world without having your phone close by, then give it to a friend. Even a drunk friend is smart enough to know that you can’t summon restraint after four or five drinks, so no matter how much of a fight you put up, they will not give it back to you. You’ll have to wait until brunch the next morning before you’ll get it back.
- Trade phones with a friend. So if you’re the type of person who can’t leave their phone home or totally relinquish all technological devices while out, then switch phones with one of your friends. That way you can continue to check your email and Facebook obsessively in the hopes of your ex finally reaching out to you with promises of them changing and loving you more than they did the first time around.
- Download an app. Apparently, there are apps out there that you can download to help you avoid any drunken texting. Basically, they remove specific contacts from your phone (contacts you choose, of course), then replace them several hours later when you should be sober. It’s like if you did #1, but more technological and oh-so 2015.
- Make a former drunken text your phone’s wallpaper. If you are forced to remember the regret, shame, and total “OMG, how could I possibly text such a thing?!” that came with the last time you sent a drunk text to your ex, then maybe even in your haze of alcohol, your reminder will steer you in the opposite direction. No one likes to be reminded of their screw-ups and low points (yes, drunk texting is a low point), so having an example of your ridiculousness glaring back at you every time you look at your phone, you’ll be able to save yourself from yourself.
- Have a friend switch out your ex’s number with a mystery person. The key to this one is you want a friend to make the switch on some random day when you have no idea it’s happening. That way, the next time you pick up your phone to drunk text, you’ll end up sending someone else your ramblings. If your friend is a good one, they’ll replace your ex’s contact with your mom or dad, because once they get that bevy of drunken insanity, hopefully they can set you straight… or at least make you feel really embarrassed for your behavior.
- Grow the hell up. Easier said than done, I know, but it’s worth a try. If you go out with your friends to have a good time and possibly meet someone knew, you don’t even need to look at your phone at all, let alone text anyone. So after you take that group photo of you and your buddies being awesome at the bar for Instagram, just put your phone away. It might be a foreign concept to you for the immediate future, but drunk texting never got anyone anywhere. Seriously.