It’s so easy to think of the failings of a relationship and put all the blame on the other person. Sure, there are times when you’ve ended up with the epitome of a walking bag of trash, but there are also ways that you could be sabotaging your own relationships. When you focus so much on the little things, you can cause an irreparable rift between you and your lover, whether it’s arguing over where to get dinner or how he leaves his shoes in the way of the front door. Want to keep this romance intact? Time to stop sweating the small stuff to focus on the good.
- Admit to yourself that you don’t have control over everything. We sometimes sweat the small stuff because we have an intense desire to control all aspects of our lives. Nitpicking tiny things helps you feel like you’re in charge. Even so, if you’re focusing on the small, it’ll only cause further anxiety and damage to the relationship. Remember: You can’t control everything. By accepting this, you can begin to let go of what’s ultimately unimportant.
- Get some perspective. When you’re in the heat of the moment, complaining about the little things, it can be hard to see things for how they really are. Is what you’re focused on all that important? Try to step away from what’s happening to clear your head. If you sleep on it, is it still bugging you? If not, then it wasn’t that big of a deal to begin with.
- Remember that everyone deals with the small stuff. Ignoring the small stuff is easier said than done, which is why everyone runs into this problem. Not only that, but your partner is probably struggling with this as well. If you’re having trouble letting go, have a frank discussion with your partner to share what’s been bugging you both. Your relationship will likely get even stronger.
- Realize that everyone has flaws, including you. Before you start harping on your partner’s flaws, take a look inward. He’s a human, just like you. Would you want someone focusing on everything you’re doing, picking it apart? When you realize that it’s normal to have these flaws, it can be a lot easier to let the little things go to focus on great happiness. Love yourself, flaws and all, and you can do the same for him.
- See if you’re distracting yourself from the bigger things. Like we said earlier, getting angry about the little things gives a sense of power. That need for power and control could be masking bigger problems. It’s a lot easier to get mad about the overflowing trash bin than to address suspected cheating or a feeling that you’re falling out of love. Little things can also be indicative of a larger problem themselves, like an overall feeling that you’re not being listened to. The next time you get overly hung up on the little things, make sure you aren’t doing it to prevent yourself from thinking about what’s really going on.
- Take a break from the little things–but not the relationship. Get away. Go on a vacation or even just a day-long road trip. If all the things bothering you are centered around your home, get away from those stressors and take your partner with you. A quick little vacation can go a long way to centering you and adding a bit of peace to your mind. It’s also a good way to see if you’re still compatible as a couple. If you’re both having a great time, you know the little things aren’t serious and your relationship will weather the storm. Take that peace back home with you and vow to be nicer about the little things from now on.
- Ask yourself, “Will I remember this in five years?” Whenever you’re getting upset about something, think about how this will affect you in the future. While something may feel important right now, it may just be high emotions making something little feel so big. Are you really going to remember being upset about your boyfriend forgetting to text good morning that one time? Probably not, girl.
- Realize that you’re hurting your relationship. Let’s face it: How you act impacts the quality of your relationship. Getting so upset over the little things–if they truly are “little”–creates a hostile environment. Eventually one or both of you will want to leave. Think twice before getting upset, because it could mean the beginning of the end of your relationship.
