I love small town men, but every small community has a handful of the same loser guys you definitely don’t want to date. It’s difficult enough to find love in an area that turns in to a ghost town at 8 p.m., so try to avoid wasting date nights on these duds if at all possible. If you’re single in a small town, you’re guaranteed to run into these 9 crummy guys:
- The overly-committed-to-the-redneck-stereotype guy. He’s really into John Deere merch even though he doesn’t own a tractor and has never lived on a farm. He talks with an accent even though his parents don’t, he quotes country songs even though his home neighborhood is more suburban than country, and he’s super obsessed with his gun he only took hunting once or twice (without killing anything). You’re not quite sure why he wants to be a walking stereotype, and he’s slightly disappointed that you didn’t show up to the date in cut offs and cowboy boots.
- The gossiper. Every small town has a handful of people who literally cannot stop gossiping. He’ll spend the entire date telling you juicy details about everyone around you, whether you know them or not. He’s more interested in other people who are out than he is in you, and your efforts to steer the conversation away from rumors and hearsay will by futile.
- House and kids talk on the first date guy. Small towns have small dating pools, so some people take the act of dating very seriously. For some men, a first date is essentially an interview for a potential future wife, and they won’t waste any time beating around the bush. Sure, honesty is refreshing, but let’s not pick out baby names over getting-to-know-you cocktails.
- Captain conservative. This ultra conservative man is not only mega stubborn in his “traditional” ways, but he also can’t stop talking about how much he hates liberals, progressives, and everything he considers un-American. Even if you’re very conservative yourself, or don’t think that having similar political opinions is important in a relationship, you’d still like to have conversations that aren’t limited to rhetoric and quotes from Fox News. There’s no tabling political discussions for this man, so just chug your drink to get you through his list of 100 types of people that are ruining America.
- The nonstop camo wearer. Is he hiding? Hunting? Trying to break some type of camo wearing world record? He has his “fancy” camo for date nights and sees no benefit in ever expanding his print collection. Stripes or plaids? Not for this guy.
- The mama’s boy. He’s living in his mother’s basement long after it’s appropriate. She cooks, cleans, and does his laundry, and he’s waiting to meet a woman equally as interested in waiting on him hand and foot before he moves out. As much as this man-child is dependent on his mother, he’s also embarrassingly rude to her, often reprimanding her for accidentally purchasing the wrong flavor of pop-tarts or forgetting to stock up on beer before the Bill’s game.
- The guy who loves to relive his high school glory years. It’s easy to get sucked into reliving your high school years when you’re still hanging out with everyone you went to high school with. While most people move on to other things, even in the tiniest of towns, there’s still that one guy who can never seem to let go of that big homecoming game or being prom king. The stories may have been fun the first time you heard them, but getting into it every time he’s had a few will become intolerable.
- The man who refuses to hire a professional. Being handy is great, but this guy is so overly confident in his DIY abilities that he always ends up costing you more money than if you’d hired a professional in the first place. His attempts to fix your leaky faucet end with a pile of half your pipes in the hallway and a quick tire change somehow results in you replacing all 4 tires and the axle. You’d prefer it if he just stayed away from your stuff, but his stubborn insistence always seems to wear you down, even though you know you’ll regret accepting his “help”.
- The dude that still wears jean shorts. The general rule is wear whatever makes you happy, except when it comes to men’s jeans shorts. No article of clothing takes the possibility of sex off the table faster. Bonus points if worm with white sneaks and ankle socks.
