I’ve heard every possible excuse from guys when it comes to dating and relationships. While I consider myself pretty smart and can spot BS from a mile away, I was naive enough to fall for these on more than one occasion:
- “I’m just not ready to commit.” You can’t get more obvious than that. “Sure I’d like to still see you, take you out and have sex occasionally but I’m not ready for a full-blown relationship.” It’s so easy to hear that and think that with enough time he’ll get there. I’ve fallen for this more times than I care to mention. I think that I’m just so adorable that if we continue to spend time together and act like a couple, it’ll just work itself out naturally. Unfortunately, it’s never actually panned out that way and when the time comes to face it, the guy can fall back on this one and say he flat out told me he wasn’t ready.
- “I need to focus on work.” This is a great reason for not moving forward and one I’ve actually used myself before. Work should be a priority but there’s a pretty simple way to balance work and a relationship. With open communication, it isn’t difficult to tell me you have an important deadline. I’m human, I have a job too and I’ll let you do your thing. I just expect to have some attention in between work meetings and such—it’s a simple courtesy.
- “I’m not over my ex completely.” Sometimes you just click with someone at the completely wrong time. If a guy tells me he just got out of something huge and he still isn’t over it, I’m going to take myself out of the equation. In the past, I used to think I would be able to help him move on and let go. Of course, that’s completely not how it works and I can say that from experience. Just because I want it to work out doesn’t mean it will and I can’t force a guy to be ready before he actually is. Pursuing something while he’s still hung up on his previous relationship is doomed to fail before it begins.
- “I’m really bad at relationships.” We all are. That shouldn’t stop anyone from being with a person they truly have a connection with. I think if it’s something good, you both do what you can to make it work. This is where I can easily become a doormat because I like to “fix” people. I hear they’re not so great in the love department and I give them a lot of leniency and I often let my needs go unattended because “that’s just how they are.” Never again.
- “We have such a strong friendship.” Yeah, I get it. We’re best friends and we can tell each other anything without the pressure of a label. Good lord, hearing this almost makes me angry. I sometimes was able to see that the guy had a point but I realize now that was just me rationalizing what he was telling me. I should have seen that it wasn’t going anywhere the second he uttered that statement.
- “I’m not sure we have enough in common.” Why does this always have to be a bad thing? I understand wanting to have similar interests with the person you’re seeing but if you agree on everything, where’s the fun in that? Having different likes and dislikes opens you up to a whole new world and that’s something I think a relationship can thrive off of! I’ve talked myself out of seeing someone after being fed that line and it’s one of my biggest regrets.
- “I don’t want to rush into anything serious.” Many will think this sounds the same as not wanting to commit, but don’t be fooled. This excuse translates to moving at an almost glacial pace—not dating but maybe seeing each other one a week, if that, and probably just to hook up. I thought it was fine to “take things slow.” In fact, I almost looked at that admirably. Now I know better.
- “I’m just so busy.” We’re all busy, that’s just life. I have a job, friends, and family, and many other hobbies that take up my time but if I like a guy, I’ll make time for him. I didn’t realize that until I was in a relationship and I was the only one seeming to shift things around to be sure my guy and I spent time together. It soon came to light that if I wasn’t doing this, I’d never see him. I tested the theory and we went almost a full month without any face to face contact and then it hit me—he had no interest in making the effort. Why waste my energy?
- “It’s not you, it’s me.” What I should do is accept it and move on. What I typically do is say that it’s okay and I’ll be there for him while he works through his issues. I can safely say that it’s not worth it for the most part. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out when the time comes, but for the time being, I’m not getting wrapped up in any more drama.