Sorry to state the obvious here, but trying to find love or even just a guy worth dating serious sucks. It feels like the harder you look, the fewer options you have. There are so many clichés that tell us that love comes when you stop trying to hard to find it, and while it’s tempting to think that’s absolute B.S., what if it’s actually right? Maybe love does exist and you’re just psyching yourself out of finding it. Here’s how:
- You get hung up on the bad experiences. If you’re always coming up short with guys and having trouble moving on from those bad experiences, you may miss what is right in front of you. If you’re so in your own head, analyzing what went wrong and how it could have gone differently, you probably won’t see a great guy when he actually comes along.
- You think you’re not good enough for him, so you act like you’re not. A lot of us are guilty of this one. You think you’re not pretty enough, thin enough, funny enough, successful enough, WHATEVER enough and because of that, it shows in your behavior. If you think you’re not good enough, guys won’t either. Stop it.
- You’ve decided you’re terrible at dating, so you are. It’s kind of like that saying “you are what you eat.” If you think you’re bad at dating, you will become bad at dating. Who is actually good at dating though? What does that even mean? Everyone feels the stress of trying to get to know someone new and no one is any better at it than anyone else — just better at taking a deep breath and letting things play out as they will.
- You’ve seen or met his ex, so you don’t even bother because you don’t think you could ever compare. Do NOT compare yourself to another woman. There is a reason she is his ex, so unless he’s showing obvious signs of being hung up on her or wanting her back, being paranoid about this is only going to hit the self-destruct button on your relationship before you even get a chance to build something real.
- You’ve convinced yourself that you’re destined to be a crazy cat lady. You will NOT be single forever… unless you keep psyching yourself out of finding a great guy (or you want to be)! Single streaks are necessary because they help us learn about ourselves and make us better partners when the time comes. Don’t underestimate how important this time in your life is, but also don’t dig yourself in so deep you can’t get out. Also, cats do not mean you will be alone forever. Lots of people have cats!
- You had one guy tell you one time that you weren’t his type, so now you assume that you’re no one’s type. What one guy says is not gospel, and any guy who will say something like that sucks anyway. In any case, it’s true that you won’t be every guy’s type, and that’s okay. You will be the RIGHT guy’s type unless you talk yourself out of being anyone’s type. The less you stress about it, the better off you’ll be.
- You have friends that seem to be endlessly lucky in love, so you think there must be something wrong with you. Just because you have friends that go on lots of dates does not mean they’re luckier in love than you. The number of dates you go on doesn’t matter — you only need one with a guy you have amazing chemistry with and the rest is history! You don’t need to be jealous of your friends or down on yourself because you haven’t had a date in a while. Your next one could be the one that sticks.
- You’re so sick of being single you get crazy and clingy and push guys away. Then the cycle starts all over again! We’ve all been there. That long, dry, dusty road of being single for far too long that makes you a little bit looney tunes. Do not go towards the light! Rushing things or making a guy your whole life is the quickest way to ensure you lose him. If things are going well, pace yourself. If it’s meant to be, he won’t be going anywhere.
- You go for guys you know are wrong for you for the sake of not being alone. Disaster alert! You don’t want a guy who’s a total jerk or even just “okay” — you want a great guy. Don’t settle for less than you want or deserve for the sake of being in a relationship. It’s bound to end in disaster and the only thing you’ll have to show for it is a whole bunch of wasted time.
