It seems like short engagements are all the rage these days. And that makes sense, especially if a couple wants to start family planning immediately. However, long engagements aren’t that bad, especially if there’s an end date in sight. Here’s why you should embrace your pre-wedding period no matter how long it lasts.
You want to have more time to plan.
Keep in mind, weddings don’t need to be huge. They can happen at a courthouse or even your back yard. But if you’re hoping to plan the event of the century, more time is key. That way, you can thoroughly research some of the key details, like flowers and color schemes. If you already have a lot on your plate as-is, a long engagement is almost mandatory.
You don’t have to get married right after college. In fact, that’s the best time to enjoy dating and traveling. You’re probably just starting a new career and learning how to live by yourself as an actual adult. Learn from these years. You can still be very committed to your partner while stalling on signing the paperwork. You have the rest of your life to be married.
This is your first relationship.
Some people meet “The One” very easily, but here’s the problem: without experience, you may be doubting yourself and your actual happiness. Are you with someone just because you’re used to them? Or, do you actually love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them? Engagements are a lot easier to break than marriages. Take this time to make sure this is who you want to be with. If you have any doubts, don’t try to invalidate them.
You want to save up to really celebrate.
Weddings can be very expensive. So if you’re set on making yours a big ordeal, you may want the time to save some money. Nobody wants to enter a marriage with a ton of credit card debt. Saving up for a year or two to make sure you can actually afford the celebration you want is a smart decision.
You’re both at different stages of your career.
Maybe one of you needs to finish grad school first. Or, perhaps you just quit your job in favor of a new career path. Now’s a bad time to get married, since you’re not officially settled. Give it some time and feel comfortable within your situation. Things are bound to change down the road, but starting a marriage with a lot of outside stress can lead to a lot of unnecessary fights.
You’re currently long-distance.
Unless you spent a significant amount of time together prior to your current situation, you shouldn’t jump into a wedding when you’ve been living apart for so long. Dynamics change based on distance. If they’re going to be far due to school or some sort of work or family obligation, wait until you’re in the same state before setting an official date. You don’t want to feel like you’re marrying a stranger.
The relationship is very new.
Every single couple in the honeymoon phase feels like they’ve found “The One.” It’s very easy to fall into puppy love within the first month. But marriage is something completely different. It’s the hope that the two of you will be together and form a team that’ll last for the rest of your lives. Sure, it may not work out — you can’t predict the future, after all — but you’ll have a much better shot if you’ve been dating for at least over a year and have already gotten into a fight or two.
You’re remaining child-free.
Obviously, you don’t need marriage to have kids or have a good relationship with them. But sometimes, it can be easier. If you’re looking to settle down and start a family, oftentimes the sooner is better for women. Especially if you’re not aware of your own fertility. I know — it’s yet another obstacle women have to face that men don’t. If you and your partner don’t want kids, there’s really no rush for marriage. You can marry when it’s right for you, and not when your reproductive system is giving you a push. As long as both of you are happy with your timeline, all is good.
You like the commitment but still aren’t too sure about marriage as a concept.
Marriage simply isn’t right for some people, and that’s okay. But getting engaged shows that your relationship is serious. People can be engaged for as long as they want. They can also have a party to celebrate their love without signing the papers. It’s all up to what makes you and your partner happy. Remember, you’re the ones who are defining your relationship.
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