Almost everyone experiences breakup remorse at some point. You’re sad, you miss your ex and you feel like you’ll never find love again. This is the most difficult phase of the entire process of getting over someone — once the memory of why you broke up in the first place fades a bit, all you want to do is see him again. You forget about all the bad things and miss the good so much it feels like you’ll never survive. When you’re going through this, here’s what you need to remember:
He’s your ex for a reason.
Above all, remember that. You wouldn’t have broken up if it hadn’t gotten to the point of no return. Try to focus on the reasons that it ended, not all the reasons you miss him. You’re going to miss him. There’s no way around it. It doesn’t mean that you should be together.
The good times were great, but they weren’t enough.
Yeah, you had fun. You had amazing times together. If you hadn’t, then you wouldn’t have been dating in the first place. Relationships are complicated. There may have been a million reasons you loved being with him, but one big reason you couldn’t stay. If it had been right, you would still be his girlfriend.
You had bad times too.
This is the most essential fact you tend to forget when missing an ex. You broke up because the bad outweighed the good. The balance should tip in the favor of happiness, not distress and conflict. If you’re fighting more than you’re laughing, that’s quite a bad sign. Sometimes you hardly notice at first, but once you realize that you’re super unhappy…you have to end it. Whatever it takes to remind yourself of that, do it.
He wasn’t that great.
If he was, you’d still be together. You might exaggerate his good qualities in your mind when you’re sad about losing him. The truth is, others around you might see it in a completely different light. Have them remind you of all his flaws, all he did to drive you crazy, and the many ways in which you were incompatible. This should help ease the pain.
You’re happier without him.
Remember the days, weeks, even months leading up to your breakup. Were you happy? Honestly? You must not have been. If you were happy, you wouldn’t be single now. Take this time to focus on yourself and how you need to heal. Instead of wallowing in sadness, welcome the opportunity to be selfish instead of worrying about his feelings all the time. You have no one to stress over anymore.
You no longer have to compromise what you want.
The best thing about being single? You get to do what you want, when you want, however you want. You can rejoice in never being obligated to do all that dutiful girlfriend crap for him ever again. You don’t have to spend time with weird relatives or watch crappy movies anymore. You also don’t have to compromise on major life decisions. This is a great time to figure out what you want so you pick the right partner next time.
He was a real jerk sometimes.
We all are, but this is a great tool for getting over the fact that you miss him. Think about all the crappy things he did and said while you were together. There’s bound to be at least a few. This will remind you anew why you aren’t with the douchebag loser now. Even if he wasn’t that bad, it’s good to think about all his flaws when you’re having a moment of weakness.
There’s no way you could get back together…
What’s done is done. In 99.9% of cases, whatever broke you up would still be a problem if you reunited. Of course there are special situations, but I’m willing to bet that you wouldn’t be happy with him, now or later. Logistically there just isn’t much hope for the two of you.
… And you don’t really want that anyway.
Be honest with yourself. Yes, you miss him, and at first you might be really happy to see him. Soon enough, though, you’d remember everything that tore you apart. It would break you up all over again, and both of you would go through another round of pain and sadness. What’s the point? Spend your time wisely instead by working through your grief and becoming stronger. You’ll be ready for the right guy when he comes along.
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