Everyone has that friend, the one who dates guys that leave the rest of you scratching your heads. He’s clearly not good enough for her, so why the hell would she even look at him? If you don’t have that friend, watch it — she might be you! Don’t be in denial about it. There are a million reasons why you (and almost every other woman in the world) sometimes fall for a loser.
- They’re charming. His life may be a mess, but he’s just so damn cute, isn’t he? You’re a sucker for his self-deprecating attitude and laid-back stoner vibe. He may not have much going for him, but he sure is a good time. Also, he’s always swearing that he’s trying to do better and up his game. Funny how there’s never any concrete evidence of it.
- They think you’re a catch. Well, obviously, because you are. Still, it feels good when a guy is constantly singing your praises. No girl hates receiving constant compliments. Of course he respects your ambition and applauds your success – he desperately needs a sugar mama! Don’t forget that part of the equation.
- It makes you feel good about yourself. Admit it — it’s difficult dating a guy who has his act together on a higher level than you do. It constantly forces you to reexamine your choices and your place in life. Are you content and satisfied with everything, or do you need to push yourself to do better? With a loser, you aren’t required to make any tough self-observations. You can simply feel good about yourself in comparison to him.
- You have low self-esteem. You date losers because you truly, honestly, don’t believe that you can do better. If you don’t think the guys you really like will even glance your direction, guess what? They won’t. No one is attracted to low self-worth. The problem is, it’s one thing to know this and quite another to fix it. You’re going to have to do a lot of work before you get what you want.
- You have a savior complex. He needs a mommy. Ta-da! There you are, ready and waiting to turn him into an improved specimen. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. He’ll resent you for not accepting him the way he is, and you’ll resent him for not becoming a better man because he cares about you. You can bend over backwards trying to rescue this guy, but the only person who can save him is… him.
- You create imaginary potential in him. Instead of accepting the guy the way he is, you see what he could someday be. Dating someone based on what you hope and wish he will become does not work! Don’t do it! You’re settling and telling yourself some fairy tale about how it’ll all be better in the future. Be realistic. Find the man you want for who he is right now.
- You like feeling needed. The scary thing about a mature, grown-up, confident man is that he won’t rely on you the way you think he should. He’s not the problem. Your deluded, insecure perception of what a relationship should be is the problem. If you want someone who depends on you for everything, there’s some twisted stuff going on below the surface. Figure it out so you can break the co-dependency pattern.
- You don’t have to compete with other girls. No one else wants your man. This is convenient, for sure, but doesn’t it make you wonder why? He has nothing going for him. It doesn’t make you a genius to date him just because you can be sure you won’t have any competition. There’s a reason for that, and if you’re dating the right guy, you’ll never have any competition no matter how many other girls are interested.
- You can control the situation. When you have the money, the good job, the car, the ambition – well, you hold the reins. He doesn’t have much choice but to go along with what you want to do. When you do ask him for something, he better damn well give it to you. You feel powerful. Isn’t there a bit of emptiness in this dominance, though? Don’t waste your time with a guy you don’t respect or regard as a real man. It’s so much better to be with someone you can look in the eye as an equal.