A good relationship is hard to come by, and maintaining it takes even more work. It can help to know what not to do to sabotage your efforts at creating your happily ever after. If you’re making these mistakes, your fairytale may soon be over.
You’re judgmental. Being vulnerable is hard, so when your partner opens up to you and the first thing you do is blindly judge their actions, it can be crushing for them. This can make them take a more closed off approach in the future when it comes to discussing things they’re going through or something they did that they’re embarrassed about.
You lack patience. No one is perfect, so when you’re in a relationship, it’s important to give one another space and time grow into being a better partner. It takes time to learn how to not step on the other’s toes, how to respect unique boundaries, and how to give each other room to make mistakes and learn from them. It’s unrealistic to expect your partner to know exactly what you need from them and to comply on day one.
You’re too open and lean towards oversharing. When you’re in a loving relationship, your instinct can be to share your innermost feelings with your partner. You want them to be your safe space where you don’t have to censor yourself. This is a good thing to aspire to but it isn’t realistic. For instance, I’ve found that oversharing with my partner about issues I’m having with close friends or problems with my family have put him in an awkward position when he’s met them in person. He’s either felt as if he has to defend me or my friends and family have felt betrayed that I was bringing an outside party into our issues—sometimes both.
You have unrealistic expectations. I’ve always had a picture in my head of what my perfect guy would be like. But with time, I’ve also realized that it’s unrealistic to expect to find all the ideal qualities I want in a guy in one person. It put pressure on guys I’ve dated and ruined otherwise good relationships because I focused too much on what the guy wasn’t bringing to the table instead of all the other great qualities he possesses.
You don’t keep the relationship private. When you’re having problems in your relationship, it’s only natural to share problems with your friends and close circle to get advice. However, sharing intimate details about your relationship without discretion can be dangerous because when your partner finds out you shared something he told you in confidence, he might feel violated and stop trusting you altogether. Not only that, but when you develop a habit of gossiping about your relationship to people other than your partner, they can begin to feel undermined.
You have a me-first attitude. When it comes to relationships, it can be easy to focus on your needs and getting them met, especially during the first stages of the relationship when you’re deciding if the relationship is serious or just a fling. In the long run, this attitude can be detrimental. If you’re not willing to compromise and let some things slide to accommodate your partner, they’ll likely get tired of always catering to your needs and opt to leave you for someone who’s more flexible and considerate of them and their feelings too.
You don’t take your partner seriously. When you’re in a relationship, some things your partner does can irritate you and vice versa. However, when your partner keeps bringing up something that really bugs them and you ignore it and don’t make an effort to improve the behavior, it can make them think that when big issues come up, you won’t take them seriously either.
You let your partner put in all the work. Sometimes when you’re in a relationship in which you feel loved and secure, you can forget to reciprocate actions that will make your partner feel the same. It’s vital that you always look for ways to appreciate your partner too with actions and words so that the relationship is not a one-way street.
You keep your partner guessing. Your romantic partner is never sure if you’re into the relationship or not because they’re always asking for affirmation. This may be because you don’t voice your appreciation for things they do or talk about your feelings with them. You might expect them to assume that you love them because you’re in the relationship with them, but taking the time to actually vocalize those sentiments can go a long way in helping them to feel secure in the relationship.
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