Although I wasn’t a huge drinking in high school or college, it was when I moved to New York City that my drinking really got out of hand. At first I dated a bartender, which means free drinks and is never a good thing, then I dated a raging alcoholic off and on for a better part of four years, so I followed suit. I was literally drunk from Thursday to Monday. Although Monday was usually my recovery day, in order to get through the pain of my body sweating and shaking after a four-day binge, I’d drink after work to even out. I drank every day, but at least managed to not drink myself into blackout mode Monday thru Wednesday. I was probably (most likely) an alcoholic.
But having come out the other side of all that drinking (because honestly, I just don’t have the liver for it anymore), I can now see clearly that drinking isn’t all that. As someone who’s thrown up more booze than most will drink in their lifetime, I can attest to the fact that getting drunk is overrated. Like, way overrated. Here are nine reasons, in case you can’t come up with your own.
- It’s always a disaster. Like, always. There’s no “maybe” in here at all. Getting drunk is always a disaster. Even if you’re not an angry drunk who wants to beat up on strangers, then you’re likely to be the emotional drunk who cries herself to sleep. No fun.
- Drama and alcohol are totally best friends. When you’re drunk, everything is intensified, heightened, and before you know it, you’re crying on a street corner over the fact that the bodega forgot to put avocado on your tuna sandwich.
- It does a number on your sex life. Have you ever tried to have drunk sex? For starters, as a woman, you’re dry as a damn desert down there, which means whether you screw men or women, it’s less than fun. If they’re drunk too ― well, even more havoc is wrecked.
- Hangovers just aren’t worth it. In college, I had a hangover for one day. Now, almost 15 years later, my hangovers last for two days. If I get drunk on a Sunday, I absolutely have to call in sick to work on Monday and Tuesday and, I’d like to point out, I’m a damn freelancer who works from home. My commute is from my bed to my desk which is about 15 feet. When you can’t even move 15 feet to sit a computer in your pjs all day, something has gone horribly wrong.
- It’s expensive as hell. When I was a heavy drinker, I probably spent, easily, 30 percent of what I made on alcohol ― and that’s a conservative estimation. Considering the fact that I’d consume several martinis that were $20 a pop, and did this often, I’m still not even sure how I managed to pay my ridiculous rent, too. Even if you don’t live in NYC, it’s still expensive. Think about how many beers you have to drink to get to the state I was in after five martinis! In the end, it’s probably about the same.
- You will, absolutely, embarrass yourself. From drunken texting exes to confessions of love to coworkers, to throwing up on practically every corner in the Lower East Side, Brooklyn, and even a few cabs, too ― I’ve been there. Those were not proud moments.
- It’s a waste of a life. It’s true. When I look back at those four years in particular and think about the time I spent drunk or hungover, it was a waste. So many wasted days when I could have been productive or done something besides sleeping or drinking the pain away.
- It ages you. You know how you can look up the before and after photos of meth users and it makes you shriek and scream out, “I’ll never do meth!”? Well, while drinking lots of alcohol doesn’t have such speedy results, it does age you, both inside and out. When you give up alcohol for even a month, you can see a positive difference in your appearance.
- It makes you act like a moron. Even the smartest person in the world acts like a total moron when they’ve been drinking. Not just a sorta moron, but a total moron. No one wants to be a moron, and the excuse that, “I was drunk,” is just weak and lame.