9 Reasons I Could Never Date A Wholesome Guy

Wholesome guys are great. They’re steady, dependable, clean-cut, and emotionally balanced. Any girl would be lucky to snap one up—but they’re just not for me. Here’s why:

  1. He Wouldn’t Understand Me. I’m a good person (I swear!), but I definitely couldn’t be described as wholesome. My mind works a little differently and my personality type doesn’t fit neatly into anyone’s box. Wholesome guys generally have a straightforward view on life that’s pretty much set in stone. Me? I like taking a closer look before making up my mind and I’m always open to seeing another point of view, even if it isn’t considered the social norm. Too bad most wholesome guys are perfect models of the social norm.
  2. I’d Feel Like He Was Judging Me. For my dirty mouth, bad habits, wacky ideas and unconventional mindset. Wholesome guys are usually bred in wholesome homes. Wholesome homes usually don’t have much drama, just loving parents and milk and cookies. Like a lot of people, I have a past. Mine is a bit more colorful than most, though, and I definitely wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing it with Mr. Guy Next Door.
  3. We’d Have Nothing To Talk About. Not having common interests makes having a stimulating conversation difficult if not downright impossible. In my experience, wholesome guys would much rather discuss things like sports or the state of the economy than religion, the supernatural, or how we’re all just slaves to a skewed social system. While making small talk about the weather or simply talking about the day’s events and not much more works for some, I just couldn’t swallow it.
  4. I Like A Little Excitement In My Life. Wholesome guys are “safe” guys. Spontaneous? Exciting? Stimulating? Not so much. These guys generally have a life-plan (that they diligently mapped out before the age of five) and nine out of 10 times, they follow it to the letter. I’d rather sacrifice a whole lot of safety in favor of a little excitement. Life’s just too short to let it pass by in a parade of yawns. Now, don’t get me wrong—the last thing I want is a typical “bad boy” douchebag or immature man-boy. I just want someone secure and comfortable enough with themselves to actually be open to new ideas and experiences, someone who can laugh at themselves and brush it off when it doesn’t pan out but still be willing to at least take a look at life from another perspective.
  5. His Mom Wouldn’t Approve. And I wouldn’t blame her. She worked hard to make sure he grew up wholesome. While a mother’s disapproval isn’t usually enough to break a relationship, it can definitely put a damper on things. Wholesome guys also tend to be super close to their moms and I refuse to compete with another woman for his affections, even if that other woman is his mom.
  6. I’d Feel Tempted To Corrupt Him. I just don’t think I’d be able to resist popping his rebellion cherry—the urge would be too strong. I’d offer him a cigarette, take him to a tattoo parlor, convince him to get at least one piercing, introduce him to the best hard rock/heavy metal bands and read Stephen King books out loud to him (actually, scratch that last one—it would take way too long).
  7. His Wholesomeness Would Annoy Me. If he steadfastly and stubbornly remained a stuck-up stickler for rules, it would irritate the crap out of me. Life’s an adventure, not a contractual agreement that’s set in stone. If a guy refuses to expand his mind even a little, he probably thinks so highly of his own beliefs that any other way of thinking seems laughable to him. I definitely won’t be riding along with him on his high horse.
  8. He Probably Couldn’t Deal With My Bad Language. Okay, so I’ll be the first to admit that I have a bit of a cursing problem. Hell, some days I even shock myself. I’m working on it, but even my mildest days would leave a wholesome guy speechless. Swearing isn’t wholesome, that’s for sure. If a guy is blown away by a little loose language from a woman, he’s probably harboring some old fashioned values and would be better off with a prim and proper girl who’ll bake him cookies and serve them with milk. I don’t mind baking cookies (I’m actually a pretty decent baker), but I’m not prim and proper and I’d rather die than “serve” anyone!
  9. He’d Bore Me To Death. I know myself and I know wholesome guys. By the time the initial buzz (however mild) of a new relationship wears off, I’d be looking for a way out. With no common interests, nothing to talk about, and no exciting plans to make I’d lose interest before he even knew what hit him. Guys who think they already have everything figured out generally aren’t willing to learn anything new. As for me? I’m still learning something new about myself everyday. In my opinion, the moment we stop evolving and growing as human beings is the exact moment we begin to die as individuals.
Driven by passion and fueled by caffeine, Erica is a freethinking artist, writer and student of life. She hopes to someday have enough time to take up a hobby or two to add to her bio ;)