At a certain point in life, you seem to hit a period where all your friends are either engaged, married, or seriously single AF. Since I’m writing this article, you can guess which group I fall into. It’s not that there aren’t some advantages of rolling solo, and I certainly don’t need a guy in my life to be happy, but there are certain times when being on my own blows.
- When I get a plus-one on an invitation. It’s nice that whatever event I’m invited to would allow me to bring a guest, but since I don’t have a guest to bring, this is basically THE WORST. Really, everyone’s in marital bliss and you’re like, “I hope this guy I plucked off Bumble doesn’t try attack me before the cake’s been cut.”
- When I read those “I found my boyfriend on Tinder” stories. Don’t you hate these people? I most certainly do. Unless you’ve been struck by Cupid, a majority of these dates (say 98% IMO) end in awkward hugs and a prayer that he’ll never call you again.
- When a guy refuses to even buy me a drink on a first date. Although the phrase “go dutch” isn’t really used anymore, the idea behind it is often employed by some cheap ass that can’t even spring for a drink. Yes, I can pay for myself and am happy to, but when he doesn’t even have the manners to offer, it’s kinda off-putting. If this happens on a first date, I tend to run as fast as I can.
- When I have to live the nightmare of being a third wheel. I have great friends who won’t let me sit at home just because I’m single. Oftentimes, this will ensure that I end up being an awkward third, fifth, or even seventh wheel. Sometimes it’s fun, but sometimes I end up hanging out with couples that can’t control their PDA and I’d rather be at home waxing my mustache than watching for another moment.
- When I have to accept a one-night stand because I’m horny AF. When you’re single, sometimes you’ve got to take what you can get. In other words, I get drunk, my morals say buh-bye and I say hello to anyone with a penis. It happens y’all, don’t fight it.
- When friends try to set me up with a guy because they think we’d “really hit it off.” Show of hands — who’s heard that one before? All these people have so called “amazing guys” that they want to set me up with. Where’s the follow through, people?!
- When I realize just how few fish in the sea there really are. As they say, “There are always more fish in the sea.” I don’t know about you, but the quality of guys out there that are also single AF and looking for something more than a booty-call are slim-pickings. Why are we so awesome, and they just don’t seem to measure up?
- When I find a guy I really like, but it’ll never work out. Be still my heart! I finally find a guy that I really like and seems to like me. What happens next? So many possibilities… he’s moving across the country, he’s got a girlfriend, he’s being deployed, he’s a commitment-phobe, blah blah blah. Time to suck it up and move on yet again!
- When the closest thing to a boyfriend I have is my cat. I hope this doesn’t happen to you, but some days it just seems easier to throw in the towel and buy a cat or two. It’s a saying for a reason, maybe cat ladies are on to something bigger and better than we knew… I’m up for giving anything a try at this point.
