9 Reasons You’re Not Happy & How To Change That

Happiness is a super elusive thing. We spend our days chasing it, wondering why we don’t have it, wishing things were different so we could achieve it. And then there are those Zen enough to realize that happiness is a journey, not a destination, so we should probably just chill out. But when it comes to our experience of that little thing called joy, the people in our lives have a lot to do with it, especially when it comes to another sex. Whether you’re coupled up or single, there are definitely some reasons why you might not be feeling all that thrilled with your life these days and why the guy in your life can’t seem to change that.

  1. You’re staring at a calendar. So you just turned 30. So what? We all age and you’re not the first person to freak out when hitting the so-called big 3-0. It doesn’t matter if you thought you would be married/with child/or at least in a relationship by now, because we can’t predict the future and life has its own plans for us. Trust that things are going to be okay and think about what you actually want for your life, not what you think you’re supposed to want.
  2. You’re focused on your BFF’s love lives. The only single girl left in your friend group? Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, do something productive with your time, and no, stalking your ex on Facebook doesn’t count. You’ll meet your person when you’re supposed to. And if you’re happily coupled up but want to get engaged just because everyone else seems to have gotten the wedding bug lately, know that it’s not a race or a competition. You have to wait until it’s just right.
  3. You’re in a funk. We all feel this way at least once a year. It lasts anywhere from a few days to a week, and hopefully it doesn’t last longer (or it’s depression, which is more serious, of course). You feel out of sorts and nothing like your usual awesome, fun, bubbly self. Everything your BF says to you is annoying or, if you’re flying solo, you’re starting to get frustrated even though normally you’re totally cool with the situation. Once you recognize a funk for what it is, you can chill out because you know that it’ll pass.
  4. You have super high expectations. Wondering why you’re never happy with your boyfriend’s words and actions? Fighting 24/7 over absolutely nothing at all? It’s possible that you’re expecting too much. Guys aren’t mind readers, they’re human beings just like us. It’s mad to expect your boyfriend to propose after it’s been a month and then get mad at him for not getting down one knee. Of course you need to have some sort of expectations because, duh, you’re worth it. But if you expect the world, you’re bound to get disappointed, so focus on the here and now and you’ll feel better.
  5. You live for relationship drama. There are people that think something is wrong if things are actually going well in their love lives, so they create drama. If every time you talk to your BF you start an argument, if you always have a sparky reply ready for whatever he says to you – congrats, you’re a drama-o-holic. If you can accept that your romantic world is working out the way it’s supposed to, you’ll be much happier.
  6. You’re the Queen of Gossip. Sure, it might be fun to dish on an old classmate’s outrageous engagement photos or get the dirt on a friend of a friend. But it’s definitely not healthy and it’s definitely not going to make you happy. Gossip is pretty much the worst. It’s mean and makes you look bad because it’s just spreading around negative energy. So ditch the gossip and focus on topics that actually matter to you and the people around you.
  7. You’re ignoring your dreams. It’s basically impossible to feel anything even resembling happiness if you’ve pushed your biggest dream deep down where you can’t even feel it anymore. Once you take some small steps toward achieving what you want, whether it’s a career-related goal or something more personal, you’ll immediately feel awesome.
  8. You say Yes too much. This is a tricky one. You want to say yes to opportunities that come your way, but if you don’t watch out you’ll be super overscheduled and have nothing written down in your agenda that you actually want to do. Stress and being overworked don’t exactly go hand-in-hand with happiness. Learn to say no sometimes and make time for what’s really important to you. And yes, that includes catching up on the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy. No judgment.
  9. You don’t listen to your gut. Some of us are pros when it comes to listening to that little voice inside our heads and that feeling in the pit of our stomachs that something just isn’t right. Others can ignore it. If you sense that something’s wrong with your relationship or a close friendship or even your job, you’re going to feel pretty crappy if you keep things status quo. If you listen, you can make a change, and taking action is the key to happiness. Change is good – don’t be afraid.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.