No one likes to be left hanging in a situationship. When you’re involved with an emotionally unavailable man, it can make you want to scream (and not in a fun way). The worst thing is that he might actually be interested in you, he just doesn’t know how to communicate it. Unfortunately, it means he wastes everyone’s time and frankly, it’s not your job to emotionally educate the men around you. But hey, love is a battlefield and sometimes you need to put the work in. Here are a few signs that he’s afraid to get close to you even though he likes you.
- He has mommy issues. I’m not going to be too harsh here because lord knows the other half have daddy issues. That said, there’s a lot to unpack there. In order to move on in the future, you have to let go of the past and learn from it. In this instance, you need to figure out what’s tying you to your mother and step away. If your guy seems a little wary or like he’s keeping you at bay, there’s probably a reason. He needs to come to terms with it, but be on hand if he needs to talk through anything.
- He’s emotionally unavailable. Sometimes guys hide behind the veneer of emotional vulnerability when they’re scared. They don’t want to address the problem at hand, which is their own feelings of insecurity. Maybe they were never nurtured enough as a kid. Maybe they didn’t want to play with the other kids in the playground and never learned about how to take rejection. Either way, they’re terrified of being alone and yet unable to do anything about it. Give him space to come to you, but also show that you are there for him.
- He’s been hurt before. Like the last point, he knows something about being on the wrong side of unrequited, but he doesn’t know how to heal. Without alcohol and repressed emotions, that is. His friends are a useless influence, only encouraging bad behavior and not giving him an outlet to talk. He talks about how he was hurt but never reflects on his own role in the breakup. That’s where he needs to get over himself and let himself get close to you.
- He cancels on you. It’s all well and good rain checking once when something comes up. A family matter, maybe. But when it’s not an emergency and something better just came up, you start to feel unwanted. You deserve better than that. Just because he feels insecure, doesn’t mean that he should cancel. It takes courage to learn and be better. He’ll get there eventually. He will cherish your time together.
- He hasn’t introduced you to his friends. This is definitely one of the biggest signs he’s afraid to get too close to you. He doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of his friends getting to know you and then being accountable if things end badly. Tell him firmly that if he wants to be in your life, he has to make good on that.
- He doesn’t mention his past relationships. It’s not like anyone needs to file a report on their exes, but a bit of transparency is always nice. You never feel like you’re in control. Furthermore, it doesn’t need to be a big secret. But if he’s keen to get close to you then he has to get over that. He likes you, and it’s his way of trying to respect you. He will learn that there are better ways to respect women than lying.
- He’s scared of being vulnerable. If he doesn’t want to get too close to you and risk being rejected, the biggest sign is that he changes the conversation when things get too intimate. Discussing his family trauma and suddenly you’re speculating on current affairs? He’s distracting you. Just keep asking him questions to get closer.
- He pushes you away when things get serious. It’s the way of teenage boys. I wish I could tell you that changes.
- He overthinks. Rather than going with his instincts, he focuses on what he thinks you want him to do. He needs to protect himself by keeping you at bay and cutting off conversations.
These signs he’s afraid to get close to you are so frustrating because they’re not your fault, and yet you bear the burden of them. You aren’t responsible for the development of men around you, but don’t be disheartened if it seems like he’s indifferent. Any good rom-com tells us that he could well be harboring secret feelings that just need the right hint to get out.