It can be really difficult to distinguish the difference between a guy who is interested and one who is wasting your time in your early relationships. However, when you’re a more seasoned professional like myself, there are a few clear signs that indicate when your crush reciprocates your feelings and when he’s wasting your time. Read on to clarify what’s happening with your latest situationship. If you notice these things happening, it’s time to get out now.
- He’s bad at texting. Maybe he started to give you the “good morning” and “good night” texts when he was trying to get your attention. But all that has stopped now. It might seem trivial, but when you feel like your love and affection are not being returned, how do you think that makes you feel? Not only that, but if he questions why you need that attention or makes you feel silly for wanting a few more texts, then he isn’t valuing your interests. Not at all. This can be a slippery slope with dismissing other parts of yourself that you care about. Be careful. It isn’t the behavior of a person who values you or your time.
- He doesn’t give you the time of day. If you don’t trust that the person you’re seeing to be available to call on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? then the signs couldn’t be clearer that you’re wasting your time. Not only is this person not there for you, but they will condition you to think that this is what a relationship is like. It can be so much more, and you both deserve to know better. If you know you’re only invited ’round when it’s convenient for him and you’re expected to drop everything, sit back and unpack that.
- You’ve never met his friends. He’s keeping you at arm’s length. You aren’t being allowed into his inner sanctum. He isn’t vulnerable with you, and he’s either ashamed of you, embarrassed of his friends, or just so immature that he wants to keep you a secret. There’s a big difference between keeping a relationship private and being emotionally unavailable. He’s pretending there isn’t a relationship at all.
- He stands you up all the time. If this isn’t one of the biggest signs he’s wasting your time, I don’t know what is. This is a big dick move and one that you can only accept so many times. It’s the sort of thing that will make all your friends turn against him. He makes you look foolish for defending him and it starts to change how you communicate with others. You feel like his bad behavior will reflect poorly on you.
- He demonizes his ex or doesn’t talk about her at all. I know that the past is in the past, but we all need to acknowledge history. It makes us who we are today. We grow and learn from it. One should always be suspicious of a guy who claims that all his exes are crazy, because what’s stopping you from joining that list? What’s the common denominator here? It’s him. He’s shown no indicator that he’s changed, and, to quote an excellent Fall Out Boy song, you’re just another notch in his bedpost.
- He gaslights you. Lots of small behaviors and habits add up together to make a really manipulative person. If he makes you think that everything is your fault and just in your head, stop right there. You can’t grow with a person like that.
- You aren’t comfortable with him. Many people think that intimacy is all about sex. But it’s not. Have you ever burped or farted in his presence? Or had easy dates in your PJs and just snuggled? Do you feel like you can tell him anything? No? He’s not there for you.
- He thinks “you’re not like other girls” is a compliment. We aren’t in 2012 Tumblr anymore, folks. There are better ways to validate you, and if he’s that basic, he clearly doesn’t mean it. Sorry, not sorry.
- He has grown complacent. You might have as well. Either way, neither of you is really invested anymore. You don’t wake up ready and excited to face the day anymore. You’re trying to find a way to feel better, but the real problem is him.
If you think that your partner is there but not really there, recognize the signs and stop wasting your time on him. He’s unavailable, but you’re letting him stop you from being who you’re meant to be. Move on from a useless relationship and you’ll feel so much freer.
