We all have insecurities, but it’s not our romantic partner’s responsibility to assuage them or even put up with them. In fact, constantly doubting yourself, putting yourself down, or being self-deprecating in a way that clearly isn’t joking is a major turn-off to most guys. If you notice your relationships are short-lived, it may be because you’re letting your lack of self-confidence and your poor self-esteem affect your ability to be a good partner. Here are some ways that your insecurities are chasing men away.
- You don’t have friends. It isn’t necessary to be Miss Popular, but if you don’t have other friends that you go out with or can talk to, it makes your boyfriend feel like he has to be solely responsible for your happiness. How is he going to have his own life and friends if he’s the only one you have to hang out with? When he learns you don’t have any other friends, he sees that you’re insecure and it puts a lot of pressure on him.
- You don’t have interests of your own. When it comes time to decide what to do or where to go on the weekend, he doesn’t want to have to do all the decision-making. When you have interests of your own, it lets him get to know who you are and maybe exposes him to some new stuff too. Sometimes you might want to just make him happy by doing the things he likes to do, but he wants to do things you enjoy as well. Not having your own interests makes you appear more insecure.
- You talk about all the ways your ex-boyfriends did you wrong. There’s nothing wrong with sharing your past with a new love interest, but when the focal point of your side of the conversation is about how every man in your life has screwed you over, he thinks this is your way of seeking his assurance that he won’t hurt you. Remember that he’s not your ex-boyfriend. Give him a chance to be himself without the added pressure of having to be better than the men in your past.
- You tell him you love him too soon. Love takes time to build and one person telling the other that they love them too early can be a relationship killer. Give him and yourself time to figure out how you really feel. Watch for the signs that he thinks he loves you, too. Don’t get carried away with your emotions. If it’s really love, there will be time to shout it from the rooftops.
- You tell him he’s the only thing that matters to you. No one person should ever be your everything, and if you find yourself making these kind of proclamations in an effort to make him feel special or to show your dedication, it’ll have the opposite effect. In fact, this just shows the guy that you’re kinda desperate and have been looking for a partner to complete you. Not a good look.
- You constantly need validation and praise. When you’re going out somewhere, you need him to tell you how great you look every time. When you do something for him, you need excessive thanks. If you get a haircut or a new outfit, he has to notice. Anything less than enthusiastic praise and validation at every opportunity makes you feel like he doesn’t care about you.
- You get upset when he wants to hang with his friends. If he wants to hang with the guys on his own, you immediately think it means he’s tired of you. You ask him to check in every hour and you want to know exactly when he’s going to be home. That makes it very hard for him to enjoy being with his friends and makes you seem clingy and a little pathetic.
- You get even more upset when he talks to other women. He may just be talking to another woman, but you think he’s flirting. If he likes a woman’s post on social media, you think it is because he’s hot for her. Any attention directed at another woman is a sign that he doesn’t care about you in your head. He’ll tire of this real fast!
- You snoop in his phone. If he leaves his phone unattended and unlocked, you’re on top of it, looking through his texts, checking to see who he is talking to, or looking through his apps to see if he’s still got an active dating profile. When he has given you no reason to suspect that he’s cheating, this makes him feel like you don’t trust him. Which you don’t, because you’re insecure. You might want to consider some therapy to get to the root of these issues if you want to have healthy relationships.
Your insecurities make him feel bad. Unless he’s actually doing something he should feel bad about, this is going to turn him off faster than a lightbulb in a blackout. It’s your job to deal with your insecurities before you’re in a relationship. If you’re insecure because of past relationships, give yourself the time to deal with that before you start a new one.