You have a good thing going and don’t want to give up on it just because one of you happens to be moving away, so you decide to stay together from afar. While you’re not necessarily doomed, if you notice any of these signs, your long-distance relationship might just be a big waste of time and energy.
- He’s been canceling meet-ups. Life happens sometimes, and if you live far apart, it makes sense that big travel plans sometimes don’t work out. That being said, if he’s really been dropping the ball and is making excuse after excuse as to why he’s not coming out to see you, he’s stopped prioritizing you entirely. It’s possible he met someone local or there’s big news he’s not telling you, like that he lost his job and can no longer fund the travel.
- There’s literally no plan for the future just yet. Even if you have to wait a few years to be in the same state again, you know there’s a plan in motion to make sure your LDR isn’t forever. These arrangements might not be made at the start of the relationship, especially since you don’t even know if you like this guy enough to rearrange your life. After a few months, however, it’s another story.
- He doesn’t want to meet your family. It’s really tempting to skip out on big family events, even more so when you’re long-distance and have an excuse. But, it’s not just that his calendar doesn’t match up—he just simply doesn’t want to. That’s because he knows there’s probably no future in this. Meeting important people and letting them witness your relationship is more or less a waste of time.
- He just seems a little distracted these days. Skype calls have a weird vibe to them. It seems like he’d rather be doing anything else. That, or he makes it seem as if he’s doing the heroic thing by honoring his Skype date with you rather than going out with his friends as he could have. Unless the two of you just had a massive fight, he should always look forward to the times he gets to see you and speak to you even if it’s over the phone.
- When you see each other, sex isn’t as exciting. Every couple goes through periods of time where their sex drives don’t match up, but if you’re only seeing him once or twice a month due to long distance (if not longer), it’s OK to feel a little hurt if he doesn’t want to have sex or doesn’t seem enthusiastic about it. If this keeps happening and he’s not going through a major life event or stressful changes at work, he’s either finding someone else to be fulfilled by or just a little bored by you. Matching your partner’s sex drive most of the time is very important for a healthy relationship.
- He makes a brand new group of friends. Making friends as adults is really hard to do. If you both lived in the same place, his new group would likely be your new group too, but since you’re far away, these guys might encourage him to find someone local. All they really know about you is that you’re not there, so in their eyes, it’s like he’s single.
- You find yourself getting annoyed by him very quickly. If he’s far away and finding ways to annoy you, the spark is gone. In person, sure, you might be pissed off that he leaves his clothes all over the floor and hasn’t vacuumed in a year. If just the sound of his voice makes you feel rage, it’s time to end things.
- You shudder at the idea of living together. When it comes to cohabitation, his style is the exact opposite of yours. Maybe cleanliness is important to you, while he’d rather let dishes soak for a day or five. Or, maybe you’re fine with IKEA furniture, but for him, IKEA is just a place to grab lunch. It’s normal to have a few differences. However, if you’re actually dreading the day you sign a lease with this guy, what’s the point?
- You’re always putting more into the relationship. Long-distance relationships are really hard. In order for them to work, both people need to prioritize each other. If you evaluate the relationship and see that you’re putting way more effort into seeing him, calling him, and celebrating big occasions with him, things likely won’t change.