Few people would admit to being bad girlfriends. In fact, few would even recognize when they’re failing their partners, but there are certain behaviors that are clearly unfair within a relationship and would make anyone less than stellar. The sooner you identify the signs, the sooner you can address them and start being the partner your partner deserves. Here are some signs you’re a bad girlfriend.
Signs you’re a bad girlfriend
- You don’t consider how your actions affect them. If you’re in a relationship with someone, it should become second nature to consider their feelings. A good partner thinks about how their actions will affect the person they love. We all make mistakes sometimes and unintentionally hurt someone else, but most of the time, a good girlfriend will think of how her partner feels before she speaks or acts. It’s a definite red flag if you not only don’t consider how your actions will affect your partner, but also don’t care.
- You’re too controlling. When men are too controlling in relationships, we rightly call them out for being possessive and sometimes even abusive. It’s not okay for men to try to control every aspect of their partner’s lives, and it’s not okay for women either. Too controlling means not letting your partner think for themselves and make their own decisions, or guilting them if they do. It can look like having to have a say in everything your partner does and giving them hard rules to follow. Often, a relationship where someone is too controlling will look more like a parent-child relationship than an equal partnership.
- You’re too needy. Neediness in a relationship can stem from many things, including insecurity. It’s a positive thing to make your partner feel needed and valued, but it’s not so good when you become overbearing. Remembering, even though you’re in a relationship, you’re both still independent adults. If you rely on your partner too much, they might become stressed or even resentful.
- You don’t let them voice how they feel. In any relationship, both people’s feelings are important. And both people have the right to voice their opinions. In straight relationships, men can sometimes feel like they’re not allowed to open up and talk about their emotions. If you perpetuate that narrative by shaming him for talking about how he feels, it’s not cool. Feelings can be difficult to deal with, but it’s always better to have them out in the open so they can be dealt with.
- You don’t open up to them about how you’re feeling. By the same token, you should also open up to your partner about how you’re feeling. As mentioned, both people should be honest about what’s going on inside their hearts and minds. Keeping them in the dark can make them feel unloved or like they’re not worth being trusted. It’s also difficult to build intimacy with someone you’re not honest with. So by keeping your feelings bottled up, you could be adding an unnecessary strain to the relationship.
- You don’t respect them. Respect is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship. Constantly disrespecting your partner, even if you think you’re being funny, is a sign that you’re not a great girlfriend. Disrespecting them might look like talking over them, putting them down in front of people, mocking them, or ignoring them when they voice how they feel.
- You don’t own up to your mistakes. It’s very draining to be in a relationship with someone who can’t own their mistakes. We all screw up from time to time. We’re human and it happens. A good partner will take responsibility, apologize, and do what they can to move forward. If you can’t admit that you messed up and say sorry, it’s very difficult to resolve anything. And in all healthy relationships, there will be issues to resolve sooner or later.
- You’re overly critical of them. There’s a difference between motivating your partner to grow and being critical of them. A critical girlfriend will pick at her partner’s flaws. She’ll make mean comments and criticize even when her partner can’t do anything about the issue. To avoid being critical, accept that we all have flaws and it’s okay for your partner to not be perfect. If you want to help them with personal growth, speak very gently to them in private and make constructive suggestions. Also judge the situation, as some topics are too painful to bring up at all.
- You make threats when you don’t get your own way. Threatening your partner when you don’t get your way is a form of manipulation. Threatening to break up with them, especially, is cruel and unfair. Rather than threatening, it’s helpful to learn how to compromise to make sure there’s balance within the relationship. Sometimes, compromise involves accepting that you’ll have to go without something for your partner’s sake. And at times, they’ll go without things for your sake.
Signs you’re a bad girlfriend from a guy’s perspective
While guys are guilty of some pretty terrible behavior sometimes, there are things women do that drive them just as nuts. We spoke to several guys to find out what makes you a bad girlfriend in their eyes so that you can work on what’s up before your relationship ends. Here’s what they told us.
- You don’t even offer to split the bill. Look, most guys have no problem picking up the check after dinner. Most of them don’t think chivalry is completely dead. On the other hand, we’re 20% through the 21st century and times have changed. Plus, a lot of people are in dire straights financially. It’s a little presumptuous and rude to just assume your boyfriend will pay for everything without even offering to chip in.
- You sulk when they’re happy. Can’t you just be happy for us? There’s nothing worse than a girlfriend who’s upset or jealous when a guy is successful at something or happy about something his life. It really kills their buzz when we’re feeling great and it seems like a problem to you because you’re not.
- You show unjustified jealousy. Yes, there are other women at the office. Yes, they may have female friends. Yes, they’re sometimes in the same room with other girls. But that’s no reason to become a jealous girlfriend. Granted, there are times when it’s reasonable to bust out the green-eyed monster, but those occasions are rare. It’s an ugly emotion and more times than not, a jealous girlfriend is a sign of a bad girlfriend.
- You think you’re a princess. Unless you’re part of the royal family in some European country, you’re not a princess. Guys don’t care that you’re dad gave you everything you wanted growing up. You’re an adult and the world doesn’t revolve around you. Stop acting like a princess because you’re not.
- You go through their phones. Do you give your boyfriend open access to your phone? If not, don’t look at his. If you do something even though you’d be upset if it happened to you, you’re being a bad girlfriend.
- You try to look single on social media. They’re not saying your boyfriend has to be in every picture you post on social media, but you shouldn’t go out of your way to make it seem like you’re single online so you can get attention from other guys. It seems petty, but it’s annoying. It also doesn’t make your boyfriend feel secure in the relationship.
- You don’t like them hanging out with their friends. This is even worse when you get to hang out with your friends without issue. Look, you don’t have to like his friends or want to hang out with them yourself, but that’s no reason to forbid your boyfriend from doing so.
- You flirt with other guys. I don’t think I need to explain why this would make you a bad girlfriend. At a certain point, you no doubt learned the difference between friendly and flirty.
- You pick silly fights. By now, you should know how to pick your battles. Bad girlfriends are the ones who get bent out of shape over the little things and refuse to let minor stuff go. Fighting is fine, but make sure you fight over important stuff.
- You’re selfish in bed. Your sex life needs to have a little give and take. Most guys understand that they will do a lot of the work in bed, but please don’t make them do all of the work. Women need to take the lead in bed at least some of the time.
- You’re not appreciative. We’re not saying that all guys are perfect boyfriend, but there must be some things they do well, and it’s nice to be appreciated for it. If you don’t thank your boyfriend for making an effort or going the extra mile, you’re being a bad girlfriend.
- You’re too bossy. Relationships are supposed to be equal partnerships, right? Not to mention the fact that boyfriends are not employees. Girlfriends don’t have the right to boss around the men in their lives any more than we have that right in yours.
- You’re always mad. You’re in this relationship because we have fun around each other, right? So, why are you always made when you’re supposed to be enjoying each other? If you’re always looking for a reason to get mad, you’re a bad girlfriend.
- You’re too controlling. I’m not saying this is a common occurrence, but sometimes women get too comfortable in a relationship to the point that you become too controlling. Guys need to feel like their girlfriends are allowing us to be ourselves. Plus, they know you don’t like it when men tell you what to do. Don’t be this person, please.
- You’ve cheated. This should be obvious but it needs to be mentioned anyway. Honestly, it doesn’t even matter if you got caught and apologized or not. If you’ve cheated on your boyfriend, it’s safe to say that you’re a bad girlfriend.
What makes a good girlfriend?
Being a good girlfriend involves a combination of traits and actions that contribute to a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Here are some qualities that can make someone a good girlfriend.
- Good communication skills A good girlfriend communicates openly and honestly with her partner. She listens to their concerns and expresses her own in a respectful and constructive way.
- Trustworthiness A good girlfriend is trustworthy and reliable. She keeps her promises and follows through on commitments.
- Empathy A good girlfriend is empathetic and understanding. She knows how to put herself in her partner’s shoes and show compassion and support.
- Respect A good girlfriend respects her partner’s opinions, feelings, and boundaries. She doesn’t belittle or criticize them, and she values their autonomy and independence.
- Flexibility A good girlfriend is flexible and adaptable. She is willing to compromise and make adjustments when necessary to accommodate her partner’s needs and preferences.
- Independence A good girlfriend has her own life and interests outside of the relationship. She doesn’t rely solely on her partner for fulfillment and is comfortable spending time alone or with other friends and family.
Of course, everyone has their own unique preferences and expectations for what makes a good girlfriend. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner to understand what they value in a relationship and strive to meet those expectations to the best of your abilities. Also, do the exact opposite of all the traits that would make you a bad girlfriend and you’re golden.