The guy you’re dating is great and all, but there’s something a little off about him. It’s almost like you can’t believe anything he says. You catch him in lies and you’re tuning onto his embellishments. If these things are happening, it’s a pretty good indication that the dude you’re dating is a compulsive liar.
- He can’t look you in the eye. If your partner can’t meet your eyes when telling you a story, it’s likely that he’s looking away because he knows what he’s saying is 100% untrue. Notice the way a guy responds to you the next time that you ask him a question about his day. If he responds while averting his gaze and if he’s fidgety while responding, chances are that he’s full of crap. He’s trying to distract you from his lies with his body language and attempting to hide the fact that he’s uncomfortable about it.
- He embellishes the details on just about everything. Compulsive liars embellish the details on the mundane and ordinary. Listen to how he describes a story that happened at work or with friends. Does he describe an interaction with a superior in such a melodramatic and even fanciful way that sounds almost unbelievable? If so, that’s probably because it is unbelievable… because it’s a lie. Compulsive liars exaggerate all the time because stretching the truth is second nature for them.
- He really wants to be liked. To accomplish this, he’ll things in a way that he thinks make him seem cooler to other people. For example, a compulsive liar might make up a story that he thinks you might like simply to get a positive reaction. Compulsive liars thirst trap for validation and positive reinforcement as frequently as possible. Don’t fall for it!
- He lies about the little things. Along the same lines, if your partner lies about insignificant things that seem weird to lie about, he has a problem. For example, if he tells you that he had tacos when he went out to lunch with his colleagues but you find out later that he really hit up Burger King alone, you might wonder what his point is. He doesn’t have one—pointless lies are a compulsive liar’s lifeblood.
- His lying is likely connected to some greater self-esteem issues. Compulsive liars have a deep desire to be liked, which is often connected to their deeply ingrained self-esteem issues. Only you will know if your partner has these issues, but if they do, it could be due to a lack of confidence and self-worth. Compulsive liars lie in order to make themselves feel worthy of being in the world, even your world, so don’t be surprised if this is the case.
- The details of his stories change all the time. Compulsive liars always stretch the truth and make up a story, as we know, so as a result of these lies, you might notice that your partner’s story changes ever so slightly pretty much every time he tells it. Seasoned liars may find tactics to minimize the changes in their stories, but if you pay attention, you’ll catch the differences, however minor they might be.
- He tries to make you feel like you’re a horrible person for calling him out on a lie. Compulsive liars don’t want to be exposed for being liars. It makes them feel out of control. Remember, compulsive liars live to be in control of the narrative, so if you call your partner out for lying and he becomes defensive and then gaslights you—turns it around on you and somehow implies that you’re attacking him or accusing him of something for no reason—it’s a pretty strong indication that he’s a compulsive liar.
- You’re not the only one who notices the lies. If you’re dating a compulsive liar, chances are other people notice the same thing about him. If your friends, his friends, your parents, or anyone else ever points out to you that your guy might have a problem, take it seriously.
- Things just aren’t adding up. Listen, the biggest sign of all is your intuition. In my experience with compulsive liars, the “signs” are more like a when you know you know the type of feeling. Sometimes I didn’t even notice the aforementioned signs until way later when they were out of my life and I had a chance to reflect. The point is that you almost always know when you have a compulsive liar in your life. You’ll feel it.