If You’re Doing These 9 Things, Sorry, But You Don’t Really Trust Your Partner

It’s true that no relationship can exist without trust. This holds especially true when it comes to romantic partnerships because long-term commitment means being completely open, honest and vulnerable with your S.O. and expecting the same in return. Can you say you trust your partner? If you do any of these things, probably not.

1. You snoop through their phone. Your S.O. leaves their phone unattended next to you when it starts blinking, indicating they’ve received a new message. You stare at it, curious about who’s texting them and why, and decide that taking a peek through their texts just to see what’s up isn’t a big deal, right? Wrong. The minute you go through your partner’s phone and poke around their personal conversations is the minute you violate their trust. More than that, you violate their boundaries and right to have space, friends, and conversations outside of your relationship. Bad idea.
2. You stalk them on social media. Checking up on your partner’s Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat accounts every day is far from a healthy habit. Feeling the need to compulsively monitor their online presence means you think there’s someone or something to worry about. You might even go off the rails every time you see that a mysterious, attractive friend likes or comments on their pictures. If you don’t trust your partner enough to be online then you seriously need to consider whether or not you trust them enough to stay together.
3. You demand to know where they are 24/7. If the thought of not being able to locate your partner every minute of every day gives you anxiety, something is seriously up. Requesting constant updates on your boyfriend or girlfriend’s whereabouts is not only untrusting, it’s controlling. Your S.O. has a rich, full life on their own. Insisting they report where they are, what they’re doing, and who they’re with at all times means you’re trying to moderate their alone time. Loving someone means trusting their loyalty, honesty, and faithfulness whether you’re together or not.
4. You try to choose their friends. Life would be so much simpler if you could guarantee that you’d like all of your partner’s friends. Unfortunately, that’s not how the world works. The fact is, who your S.O. chooses to hang out with is their decision and theirs alone. Maybe you don’t like their BFF, think their college friends are a bad influence, or just can’t stand that one pal from childhood. None of this, however, is their problem—it’s yours. Regardless of how you feel about your partner’s squad, it’s never appropriate to tell them who they can and can’t be friends with. Editing their friend group means you question their judgment and don’t trust them to select healthy friendships on their own.
5. You regularly give them the third degree. Where were you? Who were you with? What did you do? How long were you out? Asking this barrage of questions every time your S.O. ventures off on their own doesn’t make you a curious, attentive partner—it makes you a suspicious interrogator. Pressing someone for details means you think they have something to hide. If you believe your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t keeping anything from you then you’ll be satisfied with however much, or little, they choose to share. Real trust doesn’t mean giving your partner a long leash—it means not having a leash at all.
6. You have others confirm their story. You should never feel the urge to use friends as allies in keeping an eye on your S.O. If your partner tells you they were out at a bar all night, that should be enough. If you need a second party to verify their whereabouts or back up their story then you clearly think there’s something fishy going on. Asking a friend what “really” happened while your partner was out may seem like you’re just posing an innocent question, but it’s actually proof that you’re not as trusting as you think.
7. You make unfounded accusations. Being in a trusting relationship means giving your S.O. the benefit of the doubt. As hard as this might be sometimes, you should always have your partner’s back. If you start just assuming they did something wrong—or worse, start making blatant accusations—then you’ve lost the basic foundation of trust. You should believe your partner would never purposely do something to betray you. You should be able to have a healthy discussion if you’re feeling uncertain instead of jumping to negative conclusions.
8. You never let them out of your sight. Alone time is a key element of any strong relationship. Expecting to be at your partner’s side 24/7 is a sure way to erode their sense of self. You shouldn’t need to be with your S.O. every second to feel secure in your relationship. Everyone needs breathing room to flex their independence. Clinginess isn’t a sign of closeness, it’s a red flag that you think your partner can’t be trusted on their own. You shouldn’t be babysitting your bae. You should be supportive and encouraging of their individual interests whether or not you’re involved.
9. You’re unwilling to forgive. When someone wrongs you, it’s the hardest thing in the world to fully move on. Past hurts can easily shade your perception of someone for a long time, but this doubt has no place in a relationship. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is brave enough to apologize then you need to find the strength to forgive. Giving your partner a second chance grants you both the opportunity to learn from past mistakes and move forward with renewed strength. If, however, you live in fear of being hurt again then you’ll never trust that they have your best interest at heart.