Finding out you’re unexpectedly pregnant can leave you feeling scared, anxious, happy, excited, nervous, and a million other emotions all rolled into one. Basically, the feelings you may experience after an unexpected positive pregnancy test are completely unpredictable. Take it from me—I thought I was rock solid in my views on certain things, but now I feel completely different about these.
My body and food in general
Before I found out I was pregnant, I was borderline obsessive when it came to my body and my weight. I had an unhealthy mindset when it came to food and sometimes practiced disordered eating patterns. After I found out I was pregnant, I immediately stopped worrying about being skinny and focused on being healthy for the baby and for me. The pregnancy wasn’t planned and I wasn’t sure what my decision was going to be about it at first, but I knew I had to eat enough nutrients and calories and stopped freaking out over food.
My relationship with my boyfriend
Neither of us was expecting to find out we were having a child, but immediately after I told my boyfriend, I felt more confident and more secure in my relationship with him. He was there for me and made me feel less anxious and scared about the situation. He also told me he would support me on whatever decision I made.
My opinion on having children
My entire life, I’ve never really wanted children. I wasn’t completely against the idea in the future, but it wasn’t something I thought that I needed to feel fulfilled in life. After finding out I was pregnant, I knew that I definitely wanted to have kids at some point in my life, even if that time wasn’t right now.
My views on abortion
I’ve always been pro-choice (and I still am), but before I was pregnant, I thought that if it ever happened before I was 30, I would absolutely get an abortion without thinking twice. Of course, after finding out it was actually happening to me, I had mixed feelings about the idea of terminating the pregnancy, even though I’d been so confident about my beliefs previously. Although I think everyone should have the right to choose when it comes to their own body, your opinions and decisions may change when you find out you’re pregnant. Mine definitely did.
I’ve always put myself and what I wanted/needed first (which you totally should in your early twenties, BTW) but after finding out I was pregnant, every thought no longer began with what I wanted but what would be best for the baby and THEN for me. I didn’t want to bring a baby I couldn’t emotionally and financially take care of properly into the world. My thought process and decision-making wasn’t based upon my life, but rather the baby’s.
Taking anxiety medicine every day
Before finding out I was pregnant, I would absolutely freak out without my medications and move mountains to make sure I could see my therapist and get my prescriptions. I was extremely dependent on taking a pill to make myself feel less stressed. After finding out, I didn’t feel the need to take my anxiety medication at all; I knew the baby was more important, and that made my anxiety lessen without needing to take anything.
My emotions (or rather, my lack of an ability to express them)
I’ve always been good at pretending that nothing bothers me and not letting my emotions control my actions. In the past, I thought that if I had to make the decision to get an abortion, it would be easy and wouldn’t emotionally hurt me. After finding out I was pregnant, I absolutely couldn’t control my emotions about anything and I had no idea I would feel so heartbroken over the idea of getting an abortion, even though that may be the best decision for everyone involved. I realized that feeling things deeply and expressing emotions doesn’t make you weak; in fact, sometimes the opposite.
The way I viewed myself
I used to let myself wallow in self-pity and use my anxiety as an excuse for why I didn’t get things done or why I was standing still rather than moving forward in life. After finding out I was pregnant, I stopped letting myself get away with doing less and being less than I had the potential to do and be.
The way I viewed the world around me
I’ve always been the type to go with the flow, to be unaffected by changes and let the world happen around me without letting it have a huge impact on me personally. Once I found out that I was pregnant, this way of thinking changed drastically. The world and what’s happening in it matters immensely. I was more protective over myself and had an opinion on what was going on around me. I want to have a plan, whereas before I constantly relied on last-minute decisions and spontaneity. Not anymore.
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