You might think you couldn’t possibly know whether or not a guy is “The One” after just one date, but you totally can. Basically, if any of these things happen the very first time you hang out, this dude is a giant loser who wouldn’t know what “boyfriend material” meant if it smacked him in the face.
He talks about himself the whole time. When a guy spends the whole night talking about nothing but himself, that’s a sure sign he’s only interested in having a long-term relationship with one thing: his ego. Oh, he has a great job? He made how much last month? You’ll definitely know the answer to those questions by the end of the first date, but if he goes home only knowing your name and how much his half of the check was, there’s a serious problem.
He lets you do all the talking. At the same time, who wants to have to carry the conversation entirely on your own? There’s so much pressure to talk until your mouth turns dry when your date literally doesn’t speak the entire time. Conversations are a two-way street. Sure, he may be shy, but if he sends message after message online and doesn’t mumble a word in real life, you need to stop and evaluate what’s really going on here. There’s only so much you can talk about yourself before even you start to yawn.
He turns up really, really late and doesn’t seem to care. We’ve all turned up a few minutes late to a date once or twice. Whether the pair of jeans you wanted to wear isn’t zipping up and you have to reevaluate your outfit choices or you get stuck in traffic even though Google Maps told you the road was clear, it happens. However, waiting longer than 10 minutes for a guy for no real reason only to have him turn up and not even apologize for it? He’s an a-hole and this needs to be your first AND last date.
He makes you pay for everything. You’re a modern woman who makes your own cash and takes pride in paying your own way, so going halves is no big deal—in fact, you prefer it. However, when your date tries to get you to fit the entire bill, that’s totally unacceptable, especially if he’s spent the evening bragging about how much spare income he has. If he “forgot his card” or his work check was late, he’s trying to pull a fast one and is likely only going out with you for a free meal. NOPE.
He’s “not looking for anything serious.” If you’re in the dating game to get a boyfriend—and I assume you are, otherwise you’d just find a Tinder hookup and get straight to business rather than go out on a date at all—then this is a no-go. The number of friends I’ve had who’ve fallen for a guy on the first date only to be rejected a couple weeks down the line because he’s “just looking for some fun” is through the ROOF. Obviously it’s up to him if he wants to play the field, but if you know from day one that this is the case, why would you waste your time?
He can’t get over his ex. Breaking up is hard and it can take awhile to get over someone who broke your heart. That goes for men too, as hard as that might be to believe. If you get halfway through your date when the touchy subject of exes comes up, that’s fine—it’d be good for you to know what went wrong in his previous relationship to get some insight on any potential relationship you might have with him. What’s not OK is when he speaks about her with a tear in his eye and his monologue goes on for over 20 minutes. You’d be doing a disservice to yourself to date someone who just isn’t into you because he’s still into someone else.
He’s moving too quickly and it’s only been an hour. On the other hand, there are those guys who seem to rush into things too quickly. You’re having a pretty good conversation when he suddenly asks if you want to be exclusive or meet his parents. WTF? If you don’t see a problem with that, take a step back and really reflect on what’s happening here. You should be running for the hills, not into his arms.
He talks down to women (and basically anyone he sees as “beneath” him). One of the best ways I’ve found to figure out what a person is really like is by looking at how they treat other people. Treating people like crap is a BIG no-no and there’s no point trying to convince guys who practice this of the error of their ways. If he snaps at the waitress or clicks his fingers in the barman’s face, these are all signs that he doesn’t respect people. If he can’t manage to treat people with kindness and dignity when he’s trying to impress you, why would he when you’re in a relationship?
He crosses the line. No woman should ever be made to feel uncomfortable with a guy in any situation, but if you feel that way on the first date, then the path forward is clear: follow your gut and get out. Whether he’s sitting a little too close or grazing his hands against your leg when you’ve already made it clear that you don’t want that to happen, there’s a serious issue. If he can’t respect your boundaries, he’s certainly not worthy of another second of your time.
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