You want a strong, healthy, happy relationship—don’t we all? Unfortunately, if you’re doing any of these things, you’ll kill the love between you and your partner in the blink of an eye.
- Being codependent It’s great to feel like you can rely on your partner to be there when you need them, but if you find that you struggle to function without them there, that’s a serious problem. Your partner should never complete you; you should be whole before you enter a relationship and your S.O. should be the cherry on top. If you lose your sense of identity whenever they’re not around, you’re heading for disaster.
- Not having your own life Similar to the above, there’s nothing that will kill a relationship quicker than not having your own life. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean that your friends, family, hobbies, or career should fall by the wayside. If you make your partner your whole life, you’ll be even more devastated when things go wrong and you’re left with nothing. Doing your own thing is good for you and good for your relationship. Remember that.
- A lack of trust If you can’t trust your partner, you shouldn’t be with them, end of story. A relationship simply can’t thrive without trust, so if you’re always worrying that they’re up to no good behind your back or they’ve already betrayed you, there’s no way you can move forward.
- Jealousy It’s normal to feel a little jealous sometimes—we’re only human, after all—but if the green-eyed monster is eating you alive and your S.O. can’t even smile at the waiter at your favorite restaurant without you losing it, there’s a serious problem. Eventually, you’re going to end up pushing your partner away and you’ll only have yourself to blame.
- Comparing your relationship to other couples While romantic relationships tend to have certain things in common, every couple is different and therefore can’t (and shouldn’t be) compared. If you’re having a nervous breakdown because Zeke and Sara got engaged after two years of dating and you’ve been with your S.O. for three years and still don’t have a ring, you might as well break up now.
- Not having boundaries Relationship boundaries are necessary and important. They tell your partner what you expect from them and what you simply won’t accept. Without them, you’re basically advertising yourself as a doormat and that’s not attractive or healthy. Don’t do it to yourself, girl.
- Not being able to see when you’re wrong As much as we want to believe that we’re always right, we’re just not. A little bit of humility is required not only to recognize when you’re wrong but to be able to admit it. Without that ability, you’re being stubborn for the sake of it and invalidating your partner’s thoughts, feelings, concerns, etc.
- Not being able to apologize Similarly, you need to be able to apologize when you are wrong (and sometimes even when you’re not). Saying “I’m sorry” is such a small gesture that means so much. It shows your partner that you care about hurting them, that you recognize your own behavior, and that you want to do better. Sure, you shouldn’t have to apologize 24/7 and I don’t advocate doing it for the sake of it when you really don’t mean it, but if you care about your S.O. it should come easy enough.
- Not putting in the work Relationships are effortless during the honeymoon period. Everything just flows without you having to do much at all. The longer you’re together, the less this will be the case. Passion dies, hard times happen, and your connection will wane. If you’re not willing to dig in your heels and put in the work to strengthen and/or repair your relationship, it’s pretty much over.