Love seems so rare these days that it’s hard to know when it’s really happening to you. As a woman who’s been in love many many times (or at least thought I was), I’ve often mistaken things that made me feel really good for love—here are just a few you should watch out for too.
- Really good sex Really good sex can play tricks on your mind. Sex with someone you have chemistry with can be amazing and even have you thinking that there’s more to your relationship than there really is. If you just started dating, be careful not to mistake great sex for love. A loving relationship should have great sex as a component but just because it’s great doesn’t mean you’re in love. It might mean that you could fall for this guy, or that you’re falling and that there’s room to grow, but it’s not indicative of love. It’s indicative of your oxytocin receptors are working, though!
- An apology from your ex Just because your ex finally gives you that heartfelt apology that you deserved eons ago doesn’t mean that there’s still love between you. Trust me, I made this mistake. When my ex finally apologized for treating me poorly in our relationship, all of the feelings that I thought I had let go of sprang back up again. It felt so good to get that apology that I immediately jumped to the conclusion that love still existed between us. I was so wrong.
- A request for a second chance from your ex If your ex asks for a second chance, don’t immediately jump to the conclusion that it’s love and meant to be. Even though it probably feels great to finally have him break down and want you back, you broke up for a reason. I’m not saying that people can’t change and that people shouldn’t be given or take new chances, but think twice before you jump to thinking that it is love. People suck, and you should give him the third degree before believing that he wants to be with you again and going ahead with it.
- Frequent gifts from a partner I love a good gift from my guy too, but not all the time. I can take care of myself and I treat myself regularly. Sure, gifts are a way to show affection toward someone, but they can also be used to manipulate people too. Think about the frequency of the gifts. It feels good when you receive one, but if you receive them all the time, is it his way of showing his love for you or just his way of placating you so that you believe that you’re his one and only when really you’re not?
- Out of this world attraction for someone Love at first sight? Okay, I’m not a non-believer but I’m a super duper skeptic. I believe that you can meet someone and totally fall head over heels for that person but whether it’s real love or not temporary lust is hard to decipher. It’s better to wait it out a few months before professing your love for someone you just met.
- A great first date Similarly, a great first date can really change the game and make you feel like you’re feeling the love. I’m not saying it’s not heading that way or can’t head that way, I’m just saying that whether or not it is love is dependent on more than just one date! If it feels good, totally embrace that, but don’t jump too far to conclusions.
- Hearing all of the right things It’s nice to hear that you’re right or that you’re the best. Trust me, I know! It’s especially great when you hear it after a fight with someone you’re dating where he was clearly in the wrong. But don’t drink the Koolaid just yet! Hearing what you want and what you’ve been hoping to hear for a long time does feel really good but it’s not the only thing that is important and it doesn’t automatically mean love.
- When he starts talking about the future We all love the indications that our significant others are thinking about our relationship long-term. But guys don’t always equate this kind of conversation with long term. He might be just making an observation that you guys would indeed have cute kids, and meanwhile, you’re picking out baby clothes and wallpaper for the nursery because you’re convinced it’s love. Yes, love can be demonstrated through comments without saying those three little words, and actions are arguably are more meaningful than just the words. But don’t assume it’s love before he actually tells you. Make him say the words first. It’s the clearest and yet the direct way to profess your love to another person, in my opinion.
- When your friends tell you that they really like your boyfriend I want my friends to love my guy too and I love when they tell me that they see the connection between us. Early on before he and I said our “I love you”s, I equated these comments to love between us and even though I felt it, I still needed some more time to make sure that it really was love. Yes, it’s meaningful when your friends see the connection between you two, but no, it doesn’t always mean that it’s love.
