For a long time, I thought getting married was a waste of time — after all, my guy and I did everything married couples did, we just didn’t have the piece of paper. Still, we eventually decided to tie the knot and we haven’t looked back since. Marriage isn’t for everyone (and that’s totally cool!), but if you’re considering it, here are 9 things to keep in mind:
It’s really hard. So people say that marriage takes work, but honestly it is tough AF. Even though we already paid bills jointly and made important life choices together, somehow marriage made it more real. Everything we do affects both of us, and that’s a pretty crazy concept.
It changes you. Before we were married, our relationship was great. Our marriage is even better, but somewhere along the way, we’ve both changed to adjust to being Mr. and Mrs. It may sound weird, but being husband and wife is not the same as being boyfriend and girlfriend.
It makes everything more serious. Marriage is a big commitment, as it should be, but because it’s such a big commitment, everything becomes more serious. You know you can’t just break up and part ways — you actually have to go to court and legally divide stuff if you want out.
It forces you to compromise. Because marriage is so binding, it forces you to make new compromises you didn’t before. I want my marriage to last, so I find that I meet in the middle more than I did before we were married. In the moment that is super annoying, but looking at it objectively, I know that’s a good thing.
Your relationship is not what it once was. Relationships grow and change all of the time. The way you were when you first started dating is not what your relationship looks like years later. Marriage seems to speed that process up somehow.
It becomes easier to take things for granted. Marriage is this weird phenomena that automatically lulls you into a sense of security in your relationship. “Well, we got married, so everything is great, right?” No, you still have to put work in, but sometimes you forget and take your partner for granted instead.
Sex is not the same. I am not saying this is a bad thing, but sex is different after you’re married. Some of it is because you’re more comfortable, some of it is the idea that you’ll only sleep with one person for the rest of your life and a lot of it is sleeping with someone who loves you no matter what.
Fights can be more devastating than you ever imagined. Fights always suck, but when you’re married, the really ugly ones hurt so damn badly. Spouses seem to know how to really hurt one another, sometimes in irreparable ways. But the silver lining is that you also know how to make up!
Marriage is a huge deal. People make marriage out to be something so normal, simple and regular. Screw that. Marriage is a big deal. It’s hard, takes commitment and work and sometimes it doesn’t work out. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
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