9 Things You Never Want to Hear When You’re Heartbroken

It’s great to have support around you when you’re going through a breakup and you’re devastated about it. It’s an amazing gift to have friends and family that care and want to comfort you and encourage you. However, not everything people have to say is something you want to hear. Here are some things you wish your friends and family would know not to say to someone who’s heartbroken because it’s definitely doing more harm than good.

  1. You’ll look back on this and laugh one day. Regardless if this is true or not, when someone is struggling through a breakup, they don’t really want to hear they’ll look back on this and be grateful for it someday. We all hope that one day it won’t be a painful memory. However, in the moment, it feels as if someone is dismissing your feelings when they tell you that it won’t matter someday. That can make the pain worse.
  2. He’s not worth your tears. Most of the time this is extremely true. He isn’t worth your tears but that doesn’t mean that you’re wrong for crying over him. This is another way that can feel like your feelings are being invalidated.
  3. Your relationship was never going to work anyway. This can be an especially hurtful thing to hear once your relationship ends. Not only are you grieving the loss of this partner and what you had together, but now you feel stupid that you were even in the relationship to begin with. It might make you feel as if this whole situation was just a waste of your time and you should have never been with this person at all. You don’t need to take another hit to your self-esteem when your heart is broken.
  4. Don’t waste your time being sad. If a friend or family member says that being sad over a breakup is just a waste of time it can be really hard to hear because you’ll feel as you’re not entitled to taking time to be sad about the loss of this relationship. When people tell you that feeling completely normal emotions and pain are unnecessary or a waste of your time, tune them out completely. It may seem like a waste of time to them if you take your time healing from this breakup, but you know the best way for yourself to cope and heal. On the long list of things not to say to someone who’s heartbroken, this comes close to the top.
  5. I never liked him anyway. It’s incredibly selfish and self-absorbed to say something like, “I never liked them anyway” to a friend post-breakup. It doesn’t matter how you felt about them. Your friend really cared about them and is heartbroken over the loss of this relationship. We value the opinions of the people that we care about. However, when it comes to romantic partners, their opinions only matter so much. Instead of commenting on what you didn’t like about someone after a breakup, tell your friend that even though they loved them, there’s someone out there that will be better for them.
  6. Let’s go find you someone better. Your friends might think that they’re doing you a huge favor by encouraging you to get back out there and meet new people. However, trying to find a rebound is not what you want to hear right after a painful breakup. You need some time to heal and recover from the shock and disruption of losing someone that you once loved. A friend telling you that you need to just get back out there can make you feel worse. This wasn’t some simple thing that can just be replaced. You need to be comforted not pushed to start dating again.
  7. You were just too intense for him. Another horrible thing to hear from someone after you go through a breakup is the implication that you did something wrong or that the breakup was your fault. Your friend might think that they’re encouraging you by saying that you were too lively and vibrant for your ex. However, anytime you hear that you’re “too much,” it’s nearly impossible to take it as a compliment. We view phrases like that as character flaws or something about us that needs to change. In reality, the right person will think you’re just the right amount.
  8. Everything happens for a reason. There’s a time and a place to tell someone that everything happens for a reason and right after they get their heart broken is definitely not it. There’s a lot of truth to that phrase, but when you or someone you love is in extreme pain and dealing with this huge ordeal, they don’t want to hear that this is for the best or that this was something that was bound to happen. Of all the things not to say to someone who’s heartbroken, this probably tops the list.
  9. It just wasn’t meant to be. That may be true and they might know that deep down, but it really doesn’t feel good to hear someone say that to you. Some relationships just don’t work because the people involved just aren’t compatible or just aren’t meant to be. However, that’s not a very comforting thing to hear when you’re recovering from a breakup. Keep that opinion to yourself for a bit and wait for the person going through the breakup to bring up the topic. A lot of knowing what the right and wrong things to say boils down to just being present for your friend and listening to how they’re feeling. You’ll know in your heart what the right things to say are.
Shelby is a journalist and fiction writer raised in the South but built for the big city. She's a book nerd (well, an overall nerd, honestly) and coffee addict and obsessed with all things leather and lacy.

She has a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communication and Media Studies from Sam Houston State University and worked for her university newspaper, The Houstonian, as well as serving as a producer and part-time entertainment anchor for Cable 7 Huntsville. You can follow her on Twitter @shelby777.