You should be willing to compromise with your partner for the sake of your relationship. However, there are certain things you should never have to do just to make someone stay with you because you’ll only end up miserable and a shell of your fabulous self.
- Change your appearance Don’t grow your hair out because your boyfriend wants it long. Don’t get a boob job because he wants you to have a bigger chest. Don’t grow a beard only because your girlfriend likes it. And if your partner ever pressures you to lose weight, run away as fast as you can. Do whatever makes you happy, and find someone who loves and supports you either way.
- Change your interests to match theirs Don’t pretend to love video games if you want to impress your guy. Don’t pretend to like hiking if it’s your girlfriend’s favorite activity. They’ll find out eventually because you can’t fake it forever, and they probably won’t be happy that you’ve been lying. And it’s going to be impossible for them to get to know you if you don’t tell the truth. The right person will fall for the real you.
- Alienate your friends or family If your partner is pressuring you to stop hanging out with your best friend because they don’t get along, or is telling you that you shouldn’t spend time with your family anymore, it’s a big red flag. It’s a sign that your partner is controlling. They want you to be completely dependent on them only. Don’t fall into this trap because you don’t want to lose them. No one is worth giving up other important people in your life.
- Do things in the bedroom you’re not comfortable with We’ll skip the specific examples, but if your partner is pressuring you to do anything sexually that you’re at all uncomfortable with, don’t do it. You shouldn’t agree to something just because you don’t want them to break up with you. Find someone who will treat you with respect and won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.
- Offer to have children to keep them around I have a friend that did this to try to keep her boyfriend. She didn’t want kids and he did, so she told him she’d have one as an attempt to get him to stay with her. It didn’t work out. Similarly, if you’re a guy, don’t tell your girlfriend you want kids if you actually don’t because you’re afraid you’ll lose her. Find someone who wants the same things as you. It’ll save you a lot of heartbreak.
- Pretend everything is perfect If you have a concern then bring it up. Don’t let it go to avoid a fight because you’re afraid of losing them. For example, if you think they’re being too flirty with someone else, mention it because it’s probably going to bother you until you do. You should be with someone who’s not afraid of a little conflict. No relationship is perfect, and you shouldn’t be with anyone who thinks that’s how it should be.
- Ignore huge red flags If your significant other is frequently out all night and doesn’t answer the phone, don’t brush it off because you’re desperate to keep them. Or if the person is irresponsible with money or immature, they’re probably not ready for a serious commitment. It’s a waste of your time to stay in a relationship that you know deep down has no chance. Never settle for less than you deserve.
- Work way too hard to keep them around If you have to cook a gourmet dinner for them every night, or if they need to be showered constantly with gifts or spoiled on elaborate dates, they’re probably with you for the wrong reasons. If you’re busting your butt every day just to keep your partner interested in being with you, it’s not worth all of that effort. If they want to be with you, they will. Forcing it will only make you exhausted and most likely won’t work in the end.
- Give up anything else that you love If your partner wants you to stop smoking, then that’s a legitimate complaint. But if, for example, your boyfriend wants you to stop going to your cooking class so you can spend more time with him, don’t give that up. Or, if your girlfriend expects you to attend dinner with her family every Sunday so you can’t watch the game with your friends, don’t stop hanging out with your friends. If your partner forces you to stop doing something you love, then they don’t truly love you and it isn’t worth staying in the relationship.