9 Things You Should Never Say To A Strong, Independent Woman

Being a confident woman — one that’s strong and independent and doesn’t take any crap — is pretty awesome. Reaching that point does take some time, thanks to the hellish awkwardness that adolescence and early adulthood, but once you get there, it’s super liberating. With confidence comes happiness – or maybe it’s the other way around. Either way, being sure of yourself and content with who you are means a lot of people won’t realize you’re still human and have feelings, too. If you are a woman like this, chances are you’re already sick of hearing these things; if you meet one, try to avoid infuriating her by saying them.

  1. “It’s so great how you don’t need a man.” Okay, since when did being strong and confident mean not wanting to fall in love or have someone in your life? All we can do is nod and smile because we’d look like horrible feminists if we said no, we actually do want to be in a relationship.
  2. “Oh, you’ll be fine.” This is the usual response to anything we say we’re nervous about – a first date, a job interview, a big project at work. It may shock people that strong women do still experience a ton of butterflies in our stomachs when something big is happening in our lives. Confidence and being worried about doing well aren’t mutually exclusive.
  3. “What do you want to do tonight?” Raise your hand if your BF/the guy you’re seeing asks you this… every single day. Would it kill him to make a plan every once in a while? Because you’re Miss Independent, he expects you to pick the movie/restaurant/etc. We know it’s the modern world of non-romance and we’re not going to get a horse-drawn carriage and a bouquet of pink roses, but we’d love to stop hearing this annoying question.
  4. “I wish so-and-so was more like you.” I heard this one from a good friend after I broke things off with a guy. She then proceeded to tell me a frustrating story about her friend who lets herself get treated like crap by a guy but refuses to dump him. While it’s flattering and nice to be supported, it just brings us down when we hear about a girl who can’t stand up for herself.
  5. “Wow, that’s a strong opinion.” Yes, it is. Thanks for noticing. Of course we have opinions, so what’s the problem? Being strong and independent can mean having zero filter, so it’s a good idea for people to be prepared to hear them.
  6. “He can’t handle you/he’s just intimidated by you.” It’s super common for our BFFs to tell us that a guy finds us too intimidating to commit to, and maybe it’s true… at least sometimes. But it’s also possible that he’s just not that into us, and we’d rather not be placated.
  7. “Aren’t you afraid of anything?” Is there really a person on this planet that has absolutely no fears? Why would we be any different? Having confidence doesn’t automatically translate to being fearless, it just means we accept that we’re afraid and do the thing, anyway. Go us.
  8. “Are you seeing anyone? How’s your love life?” Our friends and fam mean well, but it can be so irritating to get this question all the time when we’re single. We like ourselves and we’re cool with how things are going, so people should just let us figure this one out on our own. If there’s something to tell, we’ll tell them.
  9. “Are you sure?” Yes, of course we’re sure. We make decisions and don’t go back on them. If we ditched a guy, it’s because he deserved it and now we’re moving on. If we quit something, it’s because we thought about it and realized it didn’t fit into our lives anymore. Second-guessing us is more than a little annoying.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.