We’ve all been there. We meet a cute guy, start hanging out with him and just when we’re getting really excited that this could be the father of our children, he starts to pull away. Wtf. And no matter how you hard you try to be cool, somehow, your crazy starts to come out… Here are some of the things we should never be proud of but that many of us have been guilty of:
- Stalking him on Instagram. The first stop on the crazy train is usually social stalking: staring at every photo he posts or is tagged in, googling every person he’s with and stalking their pages, checking his “last active” status on Facebook messenger and Whatsapp, and (before this feature was killed) watching who appears in his “Best Friends” on Snapchat.
- Stalking him in real life. When you haven’t heard from him in a while on text, it gets harder and harder to resist showing up at the bar he goes to, or the party you think he might make an appearance at. We all wish we were above that but many of us have done it… Hopefully, you haven’t taken it a step farther and popped up at his workplace or at the apt of the girl you think he’s been seeing. Aaaawkward.
- Drowning in a pool of depression. Ah, the pain and sadness of rejection. It’s miserable. And the only remedy seems to be giving in to it fully, lying on your couch for hours on end, stuffing yourself with oreos, chicken wings and buttered popcorn, while you simultaneously watch GIRLS and stare at your phone fantasizing about him writing you a romantic text you only see in the movies. If only you could get off that couch, shower, throw on a cute outfit, some lipstick and walk into the sunshine… but… it’s…just…so…difficult.
- Wallowing in every-single-insecurity you could possible torture yourself with. I’m not hot enough, funny enough, or smart enough. My hair isn’t lush and full. My skin isn’t clear and doesn’t glow. My butt is too big. My boobs are too small and one of them is shaped funny. Wtf is wrong with my thighs?? I have a gray pubic hair. The cellulite is spreading. My style is silly and I need a makeover. My clothes don’t fit well because I’m getting fat. I’m unlovable. No one is ever going to want me and I’m going to die alone after falling in the tub, slipping on the shea butter I needlessly use to soften the skin no one will ever touch again.
- Breaking into his phone or email. Gawd, when he’s driving you crazy with confusion and paranoia, it feels like the only thing that will answer your burning questions is reading his texts, looking at his call log, and devouring his emails. Obviously, if that’s where you are, you should just walk away. But sometimes, our minds have different plans. Ugh.
- Constant and excessive analysis. When you text him and ask him where things are going and he replies with something SUPER confusing like, “Think we should just go back to being friends,” it’s impossible not to call your girlfriends and ask them what that cryptic text could possibly mean, right?? I mean, it could be interpreted in SO many ways.
- Text-bombing. At first you try to play it cool but after it’s clear things are falling apart, that’s when a lot of us decide we have nothing to lose and start veering towards a “take no prisoners” approach by texting him to death. We might start off by playing nice cop, trying to convince him there’s something worthwhile here, only to turn into the angry, nasty cop who explains to him what a jerk and waste of your time he turned out to be. Eventually, after pelting his phone with 75 texts and losing all our self-respect, we’ll finally tire out and hopefully move right along. Sigh.
- Faking a pregnancy scare. You’ve officially lost him – now what? If you’re hardcore crazy, you might think faking a pregnancy scare is the way to go: “Hey, I know we haven’t spoken in a couple of weeks but, um, I’m late….” And how is this going to end? Not well. At best, you might get his attention for a hot minute but, in the end, you’ll have to admit you’re not pregnant (unless you’re truly nuts — scary women have taken this strategy really far), he’ll be thrilled, move on again, and you’ll be exactly where you were initially except this time, you’ll feel way more awful because you stooped so low.
- Screaming, hitting and kicking. Men can drive us crazy but if we’re resorting to physical violence, we have no one to blame for ourselves. If this is where things are, it’s time to walk away and take a good, long look at the relationship and yourself.